MessyBeautiful

So Long, Farewell...

2007-01-06T16:01:00.000-08:00

Helloooooo! Is there anybody out there?
Are there still people who come by my spot periodically to check on me?
If so, I have to apologize for my bad blogging behavior - actually, my bad lack of blogging behavior.
If you check you're site meter you will notice I've been coming to see you even if I haven't left a comment.

One of the reasons I've been bad about posting is because I used to check my site meter too, and noticed there were a couple of people who regularly visited me. People from this very city. People who's job locations gave them away. People I don't think I know - or maybe I DO!

Regardless, these people don't leave me comments which leads me to believe I might know them and don't want them knowing more about me than I want them to know.

With me?

So, I think I'm going to be shutting this blog down.

My hope is to re-surface someplace else in total anonymity. And that way those sneaky people, whom I probably don't like much anyway, won't get to know my shit.

So, if you're one of the people who have been lurking in my world - bye!

I will contact those people I know to let you know the new location, if and when it arises. And if you don't hear from me, e-mail me and I will let you know too.

So, bye-bye from my messy, beautiful life.

Cameo

Look Who's ONE!

2006-12-20T20:38:00.000-08:00

December 9th marked Roxy's first birthday!

I'm having a hard time believing she's already one. It's going by so fast.
And I have to say, she is the coolest little kid you'll ever meet - and smart too!
She's easy going, but determined.
She is happy - very, very happy.
She laughs just to be part of the group.
She claps at the word "Yeah!"

She studied herself fake crying in the mirror the other day, and then used her new found talent on her dad later that night.
She loves to tell everyone she meets "Hi.", and does so in the prettiest little deep voice you've ever heard.
She loves to do things she knows she's not supposed to and raises her eyebrows when you tell her "No!"
She has lashes as long as a doe.
She walks like she just got off a horse.
She is off the bottle without one complaint.
She eats Cheerios with milk for breakfast.
She loves her huggy bear.
She loves her family.

She is the baby I thought I'd never have. She is the baby Chris thought he'd never have. She's the little sister of two enamoured big brothers.

She's our Roxy. The most beautiful little girl in the world.

Linger

2006-12-02T20:43:00.000-08:00

the baby was taking a nap.
the boys were outside throwing ice at a tree.
my husband was working on the house.

i was having a moment.
one where i was feeling immense gratitude for the luck.
the fortune.

whatever you call it, all was right with the world in that moment.

and then the baby woke up.
and the boys came inside.
and the hubby finished his task.

and i stood at the sink doing the dishes for the um-teenth time this week.

and somehow all was right with the world.
still.

and the gratitude grew.
and the moment lingered.
and my world got really small and comfortable.

and cherished.
oh so cherished.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY Y'ALL!

2006-11-23T15:47:00.000-08:00

Here' hoping your day is as good as you deserve!
Good tidings to you all!
Love,
Cameo

Requirement: PRETTY!

2006-11-14T20:57:00.000-08:00

Setting: In the car, on the way home, after getting the boys from school.
Characters: Evan, Mom & Noah

And Action...

Mom: So, who has homework?

Evan: Me! I have tons of math homework. Just great, isn't it? I suck at math and yet they keep giving me more! (sarcastic tone)

Mom: Okay, I was thinking that maybe we should get you a tutor or something to help out when you get stuck. I was thinking maybe I would ask William. Does that sound like something you might be interested in?

Evan: pause Well, okay. But she has to be a girl and she has to be pretty.

Obviously he only listened to half of what I said

Mom: Uh, Evan, no.

Evan: But mom, I work well with pretty people!

Noah: Am I pretty?

Mom's head is spinning while she laughs.

And cut...

Bitter Sweet Comfort

2006-11-12T20:21:00.000-08:00

LOOK MA! I'm getting brand new big people furniture! The couch and chair are named Bernie and the ottoman is named Dot!

They should be arriving in 8-12 weeks. Hope we like them, because if we don't that's just too damn bad!

And as all good things have to have a counterpart - we got our personal property tax bill in the mail yesterday. It's 4x more than it was last year and 8x more than the year before. Just in time for Christmas!

Thanks so much county auditor - you're the best!

It's A Good Damn Day!!!

2006-11-08T07:51:00.000-08:00

Today, I am proud to say I am a Missourian!! (McCaskill, stem cell research, raising the minimum wage)
And I am proud to be an American again!! (we got the House and the Senate is lookin' good!)
Let's get the ball rolling on investigating this corrupt administration.
Bush and Rove no longer have a free ride! They must be held accountable for all the harm they've done!
Congrats fellow level-headed, free-thinking, thoughtful voters!
This time WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!

A little bit of this. A little bit of that.

2006-11-05T21:56:00.000-08:00

Pssst. Hey baby, turn around.

Lovely (if I do say so myself).

YEAH!! CRAP!!

And last but not least.
(can I have a drumroll please.....................)

LOOK WHO'S WALKING!!!!!

And where did you get those curls, baby?

Bring It On Baby!! Bring It On!!

2006-10-26T22:00:00.000-07:00

Thirty-six!
Today, I'm thirty-six!
On the downhill slide to forty.
Whatever!

All I wanna know is when am I gonna feel like a grown-up?
When am I gonna feel like a big person?

I'm four years away from forty.
I have three children.
I'm on my second marriage (that sounds negative - it's not! just that I've been married to someone else before -WEIRD!)
I own my house.
I own my car.
I have insurance - health, home, auto, and life.
I have more shit than I need.
I'm fatter than I thought I would ever be.
And I'm my own boss.

All these "big people" things I'm doing, and I still feel young.
Still doubtful I have the ability to make the right choices.
Sometimes a little jealous of the freedoms I no longer have.
Still wanting to look hip and hot.
Seeing an "adult" in the mirror, but having a hard time believing it's me.

Regardless of the juxtaposition of feelings and reality - there's not one thing I would change.
Not one decision, mistake, or choice I regret.

I guess I'm glad I don't feel like a big person.
How boring would that be?

Yea, I'm doing the adult thing.
I realized a long time ago, that convention exists for a reason.
But just because I'm doing those conventional things doesn't mean I've grown old.

There's a balance to life.
I'm still an old punk at heart - defiant, critical, angry at the stupidity of the world.
But now I can see all the good things too - like babies, and true love, and good friends, and family.

And so I guess I'm in a good place - this downhill slide to forty.
I know what battles to wage now.
I know what matters most.

So I don't feel like an adult yet?
Who the hell cares?
I'm playing the game and winning so far.
And when I'm on the downhill slide to 90, I hope I feel the exact same way.

Stop The Presses!

2006-10-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

You are so not going to believe this!

I was sitting in Wendy's today, sharing a strawberry yogurt with the Rox, and all the sudden I get a phone call.

But not just any phone call - THE phone call!

The one telling me there's a check in the mail.

I SHIT YOU NOT!!!!

I should have bitched and moaned a long time ago.

My "Whatthefuckever" Anniversary

2006-10-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a year. A whole entire year. Twelve months. 365 days. 525,600 minutes. A whole flippin' year since I got one shiny dime from my ex for child support. What a glorious day, indeed.
So what's a girl to do? I have pondered and pondered and sought advice from Chris and Marcie on several occassions. And here I sit, still spinning my wheels.
I think it's time to do something. And for some reason I'm still hesitant. Is it because I have some guilt for us not being together? No, not really. I think I was fair when we split up. He got his 401K, I got the house - we had the same amount of equity in each. He got his car, I got mine. I offered him any and all furniture he wanted/needed. He took some bedroom furniture but refused anything else. He discoverd MasterCard and Visa, and didn't understand the rules of the game. But hey, that's okay! He was away from oppressive ol' me. Um, okay.
So, all was going well (this is relative you understand) and then he meets this little girl. She made him euphoric. She fed him beautiful ignorant images of what life could be. And soon visions of "Bubba Rockstar" and notority began dancing in his head. ("So good to finally be with someone who supports me instead of someone who is constantly holding me back" ie: making me be a mature, responsible MAN!)
Anyway, in his euphoric state, he went to buy a house. And in his euphoric state he took her great advice to quit his job - THE DAY BEFORE HE WAS CLOSING ON THE HOUSE!!! Can you say "downpayment poof!?"
And who, I ask you, bears the burden of the stupid choices? No wait! Don't answer that! It gets better!
He marries the little idiot! And then six months later divorces her. Without a lawyer. He gets stuck with half of the debt she came into the marriage with. This is when we all thank Cameo for getting him neutered.
Anyway, he moves back to Texas with his mother. Gets a job in the same restaurant he was working at when we moved up here. And then breaks his arm unloading god damned music equipment off a truck.
No able to work means no able to have money which means no able to take care of my children - but hey, I'm a rockstar man!
So, the day has come when Cameo returns to making this "man" a man. I am going to have to make him accountable. He's a charming person -that's why he gets away with what he does. He's not a bad person either - just stupid as the day is long. The shining example of "victim mentality" introverted. Instead of being pissed at others, he wages his fights internally - making choices with blatent disregard for rationale. Never looking at the "big picture." Never.
He calls the boys. I have to give him some credit for that. But when he does, all he talks about is his band. He never asks them about school. He never imparts any type of valuable information designed to make them think of him in a father-like manner. He never asks them about what's going on in their worlds. It's just about him and his "music." And not once has he said anything about making any type of payment. Not once! EVEN THOUGH I HAVE ASKED HIM ABOUT IT!!!
I'm tired of it. And I don't know if I go after him - "you can't bleed a turnip" or if I head down another path and approach the issue from the perspective of weeding him further out of the boys lives. I struggle with that honestly. I know it's happening already, and I have no problem with it. He doesn't have a lot to offer them.
So, with no end in sight to this dilema, I sit here and wonder how I'm going to handle it.
The boys deserve better. Hell, I deserve better! He has literally walked away from any responsibility of raising these boys. For that matter, Chris deserves better for stepping up to the plate and fathering these little men!
LET'S ALL HEAR IT FOR CHRIS!!!!!!

Yes, my friends, I made the right choice. Not only for me, but my boys.

I got nothing else.
Have a good day!!!!!

Punting In The Blogsphere

2006-10-10T11:04:00.000-07:00

Blogging has been at the bottom of the priority list as of late. Truth is, I'm bored with it, and I don't have anything important or clever to say. I have been making the rounds, but rarely leaving comments anymore. Why? I dunno.

But I can tell you things that have been happening here if you like.

We got the coolest pictures of Roxy taken when she turned 9 months. I'll post a couple soon.

Evan is driving me crazy on a daily basis. I'm really ready for the attitude to stop.

Noah is doing pretty well. He's doing great in school.

Chris is working his ass off. I still think he's the shit. I'm amazed at how much I love that man.

Work is back in full gear. I was pissy last night.

We have banished the cats from the house. They now have their own little area in the garage. I hate that we have done it, but Lola kept peeing everywhere and well, you get the gist.

My birthday is coming up. I love my birthday.

We're breaking ground on the new dining room within the next couple of weeks! YEAH!

So, that's about it. Just normal life stuff. Still waiting to win the lottery. Still hoping for my child to lose the chip. And still waiting for those two top teeth to come in. Not anything worth blogging about really. I did win some stuff on e-bay. OOooooo.

A Good God Damned Day!

2006-10-01T13:26:00.000-07:00

I love my kids.
I love my husband.
I love my parents.
I love my friends.
I love my pets. (all flippin' 8 of 'em!)
I love lots of things!

And today, I love the fact I have had the ENTIRE day without kids (thanks mom & dad), and my husband (sorry you're working) to get my house cleaned. And when I say clean, I mean hardcore clean.

And soon, there will be a dining room in my house (thanks honey), and a new couch (thanks dad for the delivery), and things will be settled.

So, today I send great love and appreciation for all the good in my life.
And never-ending gratitude for all the help I have in my world.

Must. Be. Fried.

2006-09-23T19:22:00.000-07:00

a little stressed
things are unorganized
can't find the freakin' felt pads for the table legs
have more crap than carter's got pills
still hangin' in limbo
with no place to eat

need many personal assistants
and a team of carpenters/painters
a nanny
a cook
a housekeeper

damn!!!
forgot to play lotto

must have a plan
must commit it to paper
must make it happen

need to feel settled
need to feel comfort
need the list to be complete
need organization for the sake of sanity

need to go buy some more flippin' felt pads

and a lotto ticket

give me lucky numbers

She's Safe!!

2006-09-19T20:13:00.000-07:00

They found the baby safe and sound!
Just a few miles from her home.
The abductor was a woman who recently miscarried.
She tried using make-up to hide the birthmark on the baby's forehead.
Her sister-in-law was driving her to the pediatricians office and noticed the make-up.
She called police.

I don't know what it is with these women. Why are they so empty they resort to such unbelievable things?

The ONLY redeeming aspect to a crime like this, is you know the crazy person is loving that baby. You know they were so desperate in the first place that they are cherishing the baby. I know that's a twisted perspective, but it's the only thing I can think of to keep from crying.

Anyway, happy ending on this one folks! Breathing easier for now. Night!

Amber Alert!!!

2006-09-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes when I'm feeling sad or lonely, I'll have a snack, like a brownie or a cupcake, and it makes me feel better. I don't think that's such a big deal, because I know a lot of women who, when they're feeling sad or lonely, will have a baby." - Jessica Delfino, songstress

When I read this, I thought it was the funniest thing. Sad & true, but funny.

HOWEVER, there is something really sick happening in this area of the states in which I live. Lonely women aren't having babies, they're STEALING them! It has happenend again. A couple of days ago, a woman broke into a house, held the mother at gunpoint, slashed her throat, and stole her 9 day old baby girl! A one year old boy was untouched, and the mother survived, but her baby is gone! Imagine that for a moment. Complete helplessness. Your innocent, helpless, newborn out there in the world with someone you don't know. Can you wrap your mind around the pain? It's unbelievable.

Nearly two years ago, a woman murdered a woman eight months pregnant and cut her baby from her womb. She then drove to a Burger King, called her husband, and told him she had given birth in the bathroom there.

A year before that, another woman drove to a small town, walked into a house and walked out with a 2 month old baby boy. She lived here in town and was too stupid to know the physical differences between a newborn and a 2 month old. Her co-workers called the police.

So the profile for this abductor is the same. An overweight, unattractive woman, who has been telling others she is pregnant. She, in fact, is not pregnant, either because she is unable to be, or because she has been pretending to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't exist.

Regardless, she's sick. Sick, sick, sick.

Keep your eyes open for this baby. Let's try and get her with her family.

We Have Established Contact!

2006-09-15T14:22:00.000-07:00

I found Creston.

And as with all things good, time hadn't spoiled a thing.

I didn't tell him about the previous post; didn't need to.

But I found him again, and that makes me happy.

He's good people.

He's one of my people.

Good ju-ju!

20 Minutes To Salvation

2006-09-07T19:29:00.000-07:00

We sat in the back, up against the wall at one of those tall tables on stools. I sucked down a Marlboro Light and drank something non-alcoholic. My friend sat to my left. He was 50-something, I think.

In the far corner to my left was a woman in her mid-30's. Her boobs had been naturally deflated by nursing someone. Her hips were wide and her back side was losing it's battle with gravity. She looked tired, and worn.

On the platform to my right was a twenty-something with fully inflated and paid-for boobs. She was in white, with a long white chiffon cape that clasped around her neck in a band of what appeared to be velvet. At her feet were roughly 15 men gawking at her. She absorbed every predatory look. Somehow, it appeared to give her power.

"Have you seen enough?", my friend asked.
"Yea, I think so.", I replied.

Earlier that day, I had been on the phone with my friend.
"I have to get a job. And I was looking in the paper and I think I'm gonna dance at a strip club."
"Have you ever been in one of those places?"
"No."
"What are you doing tonight?"
"Nothin', why?"
"I'm going to take you to one."
"Okay!"

So, sometime that evening I climbed into my friends car and headed to the club. I walked in the door with the full intent of asking for a job when I left. We paid our admission, had our obligatory drink, and left. And when I walked out I didn't say anything to the man behind the counter.

"So, what did ya think?"
"I don't think I wanna do that."

I was 21 years old. I was a starving college student and dancing with a regional ballet company. My friend stopped me from doing something I would have regretted. Chances are, had I asked for a job there, I never would have gone back after the first time. But he spared me the grief, and I will be forever in debt to him for that.

So why did I think I wanted to be a stripper?
I had a fabulous body and I was a trained ballet dancer. What more could you want?

Uh huh, so why did I think I wanted to be a stripper?
I was comfortable with my body and I knew I would make a butt-load of money.

Okay, one more time Cameo, why did I think I wanted to be a stripper?
I didn't think. That's the truth. I wasn't thinking.

I wasn't thinking about myself. I wasn't thinking I deserved more. I wasn't thinking people found me interesting for substantial reasons, not just a great set of tits.

I wasn't thinking how I would screw things up for all women in the name of shameless easy money -money earned from the all mighty penis; Money stuck in my g-string instead of a kids bank account; Money handed me by men who had women waiting at home for them.

I wasn't thinking.

But Creston got me to think. Actually, he got me to see.

Creston's his name. Creston Funk.

I haven't spoken to him in over 7 years.

I hope he's doing okay.

I am.

Tales From The Sale

2006-09-03T21:41:00.000-07:00

Well, the garage sale was a success, barring the fact I had five big items - none of which sold. Oh well.
And while I'm not a very social person, I love having garage sales. Something about the people who come to sales, I find interesting.
First, there is this man named Robert. He's in his late forties (I'm guessing) and has had what appears to be a massive stroke. He uses a brace to walk, his speech is slurred and everything he does takes a long time. He has come to every garage sale I have had and I love seeing him pull up. This time was no different.
Robert pulled up in his big SUV, and took a considerable amount of time getting himself out of the car and situated with his brace. My mom was helping me and shot me a puzzled look when nobody appeared from behind the car after a few minutes. "Just wait," I said. Out walks Robert. "I was wondering when you were going to show up!," I said. "Well, hey baby!," he replied.
We then spent the next 15 minutes just talking about anything and everything, including what I do for a living. He said when he got his feet back he was going to learn swing dancing with his "bride." My heart melted - his "bride." How sweet!
Robert is a good looking man. And he has the most beautiful spirit. Whatever hardship came his way hasn't stopped this man from being who he is. My guess is he has a charmed life (in part from things he told me), was quite dashing and hadn't a care in the world. Then fate stepped in and shifted his course. But he just kept going, being the quick witted, charming, good natured person he is. He's good people, and I look forward to seeing him at my sales.
Second, is this woman who had me cracking up the entire time she was here. She was in her late 60's and was so sweet and innocent. Innocent at 60 something? Yup! She told me of her kids who voted for Bush and how she just didn't get it. She told me how she loved to bake, and then asked me the last time I had seen flour on sale in the newspaper? Um, never, but I'm not looking for it, so I'm the wrong person to ask. And then she told me this story of how she was at her daughter's house one day and let her three ferrets out of their cage. As the story goes, the ferrets somehow turned the computer on, and the woman had no idea how to turn it off. So, she went to call her daughter, but the ferrets had turned the phone off and she couldn't figure out how to get that turned back on. So, she sat there for hours with a computer doing things she couldn't stop, and no way to get in touch with anybody! I'm cracking up as I type this! Too, too funny. Just imagine!
There was the woman who bought a pair of maternity jeans for her sister who was pregnant with her seventh child by a seventh man! "She needs to get fixed, that's just ridiculous!," she said. Amen sister! But nice sister for buying maternity pants!
There was the stingy woman who squabbled over a 50 cent item, and then put it back.
There was the crazy artist who bought tons of stuff.
The mother and daughter who bought the Hookah because they thought it was "fun!"
The woman with cancer - she was cool.
The little girl who was excited to see our pet rabbit.
The woman who brought her dog and we laughed while hers and mine frolicked in the front yard.
The young college age girl who bought her boyfriend the drafting table and a ton of other stuff and spent nearly 30 minutes with her mom trying to fit it all in their car - laughing the whole time!
The man who gave us a coupon for a free half gallon of ice cream.
The man I see walking when I take the kids to school every morning.
And the crazy woman who was like a bull in a china shop - abrasive as the day is long.

All these people, out doing their thing, shift the momentum for a quick peek at somebody else's stuff. And in the process, stories are told, annual friendships are strengthened, and I watch as things which tell, in part, the story of my life go marching off to become somebody else's story.
There were things I was a little sad to see go, but I know it was time. Some of the memories were good, and some I just didn't need anymore.

So, the sale was a success. The house is breathing a little easier now. I am too for that matter. I have made a promise to myself to stop buying things so I don't have to have a sale next year. It's a LOT of work. But between you and me, I think I might miss the dynamic my garage sales bring. I'm getting rid of my stuff, but in exchange, I'm getting some new memories. And I like having them - at least until I don't need them anymore either.

One A Penny, Two A Penny Buy My Crap

2006-08-31T19:38:00.000-07:00

This weekend I'm tackling the horrific task of having a garage sale. As a matter of fact, if you're reading this on Friday or Saturday, that's where I am right now!

All I have to say is this:
I'm embarrassed at the amount of crap I have accumulated.
I'm disappointed I didn't have the time to finish all those fabulous "projects" I envisioned.
I'm hopeful that all the "someones" for all the "stuff" will come and take it all away.
I'm not allowing any of this stuff back into the house. IT MUST GO!!!

So anyway, it's getting late and I have to go clean out a refrigerator, take a shower, go fix a couple of signs, and go to bed.

Wish me luck. And send everyone one you know my way. I'm bound to have something they just can't live without!

Funky Town

2006-08-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

The last couple of days I've been in a funk. A BIG funk! So, today I think I'm going to flip the script and try to think in a positive manner. So, here goes.....

I give thanks for the following (in no particular order):

my children, my husband, my parents, Marcie, friends, health, my mind, my dog, purring cats, home, food, good fortune, good sleep, cilantro, chocolate, rain storms, hummingbirds, flowers, oceans, the color orange, temper tantrums, cart-wheels, punk rock, clean houses, ballet, cameras, good style, cascarones, scrabble, grilling out, crafts, naps, ibuprofen, toads, good sex, free time, Hank Williams, baby feet, firsts, tigers, the smell of coffee, brownies, sunbathing, going to the salon, growling babies, sassy children, rebels, humble people, green lights all the way, compilation cd's, winning shit on the radio, compliments, snow storms, Leonard Cohen, sitting in front of the fire, road trips, shopping, little suits for little boys, straightening irons, earrings, massages, chiropractors, flamenco, recycling, hiking, goldfish, seeing your history in your child's face, dejavu, blog buddies, giving birth, painting a room, good work, jasmine, streams, Led Zeppelin, good arguments, puppies, gardens, concerts, getting drunk, laughing 'til you cry, decade old friendships, The Clash, nicknames, sharp tongues, literacy, 2008 is coming up, bold old women, Willie Nelson, costumes, misunderstood song lyrics, laughing infants, good men, breezes, tomorrow, reminiscing, laughing at yourself, when everything for dinner is ready at the same time, birthday parties, presents for no reason, Roxy in a tutu, the name Roxy, scalloped potatoes, gourmet dog bakeries, seeds germinating in the kitchen window, glitter, Christmas cookies, surprises, bathroom humor, rock gardens, stained glass, pottery, your name in lights, trampolines, pissed off cats, good grades, autumn, quiet, sonograms, potato soup, peacocks, dinner parties, impromptu gatherings, musical theatre, looking good in a picture, organization, love notes, long showers, inspiration, smart animals, cigars for a new baby, crying because you're happy, organics, bad words on a calculator, Jimmy Hendrix muzak in an elevator, the 80's being 'retro', right place at the right time, being in love, dive bars, marathon kissing, baby books for your kids, henna tattoos, birth marks, freckles, free babysitting, kisses from behind, good lighting, wild flowers, cloudy days, bamboo, apples in salad, making soap, John Prine & Iris Demet's "In Spite of Ourselves", porches, courtyards, common sense, "Go Away" door mats, John Lennon, erasers, cookie dough, dictionaries, travel, electric cars, chapstick, almond oil, cat teeth, baby's breath.

So there.
What are you thankful for?

Have A Look-See

2006-08-17T07:46:00.000-07:00

1) Go to G**gle

2) Type in the word "failure"

3) E-mail everyone you know!

Judgment Day

2006-08-14T07:25:00.000-07:00

I went to a blog once where listed on the "100 Things About Me" it said, "I love going to Wal-Mart, because it is there I feel skinny." I thought that was the funniest thing I had ever read.

I totally understand. But I'd like to go once step further and add something if I might.

I love going to Wal-Mart because it is there I feel skinnny and smart!
Let me fill you in as to why.

Chris and I went there yesterday- the Sunday afternoon prior to the first day of school. It was a mad-house. Exhausting, to say the least. And the place was filled with every type of person imaginable. Now, I try not to be a judgmental person. HA! I'm the most judgmental person I know! But I think you'll understand why!

I saw SEVERAL obese women riding around in those little scooter carts with the front baskets LOADED with baked goods, chips and soda! Make the connection, honey. Make the connection.

I saw a meek woman, with an imposing man, and a BIG black bruise on her left cheek. Hoping it was a door in the middle of the night.

I saw a heroin thin woman with stringy hair in the shortest shorts ever dragging her kids through the store - with two BIG hickeys on her neck. Lovely.

I saw a pregnant sixteen year old child, with her little thug boyfriend. She had no eyebrows, lots of black eyeliner, and her belly hanging out severely. He had his pants down to his knees, and was 'pimp walking' in front of her. Promising.

I saw countless plastic mothers and the next generation of plastic daughters. Over-processed hair, leather thick over-processed skin, and frosty pale pink lipstick. It's 2006 ladies - Farrah's like 60 now!

I saw young women in 'break-neck' heels, strutting their stuff through the school supplies. Education can't buy self-respect.

I saw people with no teeth buying frivolous electronics. Priorities, folks.

I saw kids tearing things off the shelves, while their parents just ignored it. Ah! The next generation of thoughtless assholes.

I saw 'Jello pudding' parents who tried softly reasoning with their irrational two-year old in the midst of a horrific temper tantrum. Hey folks - news flash - YOU'RE the one in charge!

I heard a yearly dose of things like, "I ain't got no...," "I seen...," (which Chris says - but it bothers me less with him for some reason - cuz I love him, maybe?) "Yo, that's tight!," "get your butt...," "I'll whip your butt...," etc.

The experience, however, was peppered with glimpses of 'normal' people. People who seemed more our speed. Women who weren't dolled up. Families who spoke kindly to each other. People who actually had fruits and vegetables in their carts. Parents who actively parented their children. Couples who showed their affection for each other by holding hands. Fathers who carried their babies.

I call Wal-Mart, "Wally World." And the trip yesterday was a shining example of why. Trips to Wally World just seem to throw the true reality of things at you. The world is a discouraging place.

I have great moral reserve shopping there - really I do. That, coupled with placing myself in the company of SO many people for whom I have little to no respect, is making me re-think my shopping habits. Maybe I should go to the grocery store for groceries! And head to the corner drug store for toiletries! Ya think?

There is a part of me, a BIG part of me, who wants to live in a bubble. I don't want to have to share my world with ignorant, uneducated, priority-screwed, self-centered people. I don't. People like that make me really pissed off - judgmental.

I wish I could be one of those people who was either oblivious, understanding, or tolerant. But I'm not.

Go ahead, judge me.

Anything Goes!

2006-08-07T21:42:00.000-07:00

This past weekend marked the end of the craziest summer of my life! The season ended with me choreographing "Anything Goes" for Gladstone Theatre In The Park. It was a wonderful conclusion. And this is the reason why............. Evan stealin' the show!
trenches anyone? (that's the tap step he's doing)

So, watching my son perform was a fantastic treat! I love that he loves the theatre! I hope he loves it for the rest of his life!

And if he's famous one day - just remember you saw him here first!
Edit: Evan has just posted to his blog. I have no idea what it means, but it's there none-the-less.

Feast Your Eyes

2006-08-04T07:44:00.000-07:00

Mama's got a brown eyed baby, a blue eyed baby, and a green eyed baby - remember the New Order song? "oh you got green eyes, oh you got blue eyes, oh you got got [brown] eyes."

One dog, one cat, three kids, early morning, beating the sick summer heat.

Evan's tenth Fourth of July at 4:58 kiss!

Back In The Olden Days

2006-08-03T10:31:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and tried to write something original. Three takes later, I had nothing. So, luckily for me, my cousin Shannen e-mailed this to me today! Yup, that's right! It's another "somebody sent me this e-mail" post! Sorry, I've been such a bore lately. I'm fried.

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways ... through year 'round blizzards. Carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse, where they maintained a Straight-A average, despite their full- time, after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter ... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!
And talk of about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to steal it from your brother or bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options!
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Play Station video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600, with games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids." And the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! JUST LIKE LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on and you had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!
There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little brats!
And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire. Imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled.You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

The "I HATE BUSH!" Post

2006-07-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

Because my life has been so busy lately - I've taken a liking to posting things my friends have sent me. I got this one today from my dearest Berni. It is a collection of things seen on bumper stickers. And I know I've seen one of these on someone's blog banner! Anyway, enjoy!

BLIND FAITH IN BAD LEADERSHIP IS NOT PATRIOTISM
IF YOU'RE NOT OUTRAGED, YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION
IF YOU SUPPORTED BUSH, A YELLOW RIBBON WON'T MAKE UP FOR IT
POVERTY, HEALTH CARE, & HOMELESSNESS ARE MORAL ISSUES
OF COURSE IT HURTS. YOU'RE GETTING SCREWED BY AN ELEPHANT
BUSH LIED, AND YOU KNOW IT!
RELIGIOUS FUNDAMENTALISM: A THREAT ABROAD, A THREAT AT HOME
GOD BLESS EVERYONE - No exceptions (if that's your thing!)
BUSH SPENT YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY ON HIS WAR
PRO - AMERICA, ANTI - BUSH
WHO WOULD JESUS BOMB?
IF YOU SUPPORT BUSH'S WAR, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? SHUT UP AND SHIP OUT
FEEL SAFER NOW?
I'D RATHER HAVE A PRESIDENT WHO SCREWED HIS INTERN THAN ONE WHO SCREWED HIS COUNTRY
JESUS WAS A SOCIAL ACTIVIST -- THAT IS A LIBERAL
MY VALUES? FREE SPEECH. EQUALITY.LIBERTY. EDUCATION. TOLERANCE
IS IT 2008 YET?
DISSENT IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF PATRIOTISM -- Thomas Jefferson
DON'T BLAME ME. I VOTED AGAINST BUSH -- TWICE!
ANNOY A CONSERVATIVE: THINK FOR YOURSELF
VISUALIZE IMPEACHMENT
HEY BUSH! WHERE'S BIN LADEN?
CORPORATE MEDIA = MASS MIND CONTROL
STOP MAD COWBOY DISEASE
GEORGE W. BUSH: MAKING TERRORISTS FASTER THAN HE CAN KILL THEM
KEEP YOUR THEOCRACY OFF MY DEMOCRACY
DEMOCRATS ARE SEXY. WHOEVER HEARD OF A GOOD PIECE OF ELEPHANT?
ASPIRING CANADIAN
CORPORATE MEDIA: WEAPONS OF MASS DECEPTION
DON'T CONFUSE DYING FOR OIL WITH FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM
STEM CELL RESEARCH IS PRO LIFE
HATE, GREED, IGNORANCE: WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION
HONOR OUR TROOPS: DEMAND THE TRUTH
REBUILD IRAQ? WHY NOT SPEND 87 BILLION ON AMERICA?
FACT: BUSH OIL 1999 - $19 BARREL 2006 - $70 BARREL
THE LAST TIME RELIGION CONTROLLED POLITICS, PEOPLE GOT BURNED AT THE STAKE
I'LL GIVE UP MY CHOICE WHEN JOHN ROBERTS GETS PREGNANT
HOW ON EARTH CAN 59,411,287 PEOPLE BE SO DUMB?

Edit: Add These To The List!

Will someone please give Bush a blowjob so we can impeach him? (thanks Bombadee!)

When Clinton Lied Nobody Died!!! (merci marcie!)

Attractive Features

2006-07-24T21:33:00.000-07:00

My friend Natalie just sent me this one. It's a doozey!

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed the features a woman finds attractive in a man's face can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: While ovulating, women tend to be attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, during menstruation, or menopause, women tend toward preferencing a man with scissors lodged in his temple, a bat jammed up his ass, all while he is on fire.

Further studies in this area have been canceled.

I have to admit this pretty much sums up my last cycle. However, I must clarify, my desire to see the scissor lodge, the bat butt jam, and the blaze of glory wasn't reserved for men, or any man in particular. I was equal opportunity pissy - pretty much anybody who crossed my path was secretly bestowed this fantasy. Come on, admit it! You've felt that way to!

The Clouds Have Parted, The Heavens Have Opened Up, And The Angels Are Singing

2006-07-21T21:20:00.000-07:00

I see the light at the end of the tunnel! One job ended today. Next week another one ends, and the week after that the last one ends. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Mama is a new person already!

P.M.Pissy

2006-07-15T20:54:00.000-07:00

Yeah, okay. So, as of late, the world has been an incredibly irritating place. I have inadvertently spread myself too thin. I'm going - and I mean quite literally - from 7am until 10pm EVERY FREAKIN' DAY! Teaching 5,6,& 7 year olds from 8:30-12:30, then taking care of my own three kids from 1:00-5:00, then teaching ballet from 5:30-7:00, then rehearsal from 7:00-10:00, then doing dishes/picking up/getting ready for the next day at least until midnight (usually 2am!) I'm losing my mind, and I have no body to blame for any of it other than myself. I know this! BUT!!! I'm PMSing right now. So, even though I pride myself on being a rather level person, rationale is a rare commodity with me right now!

And you know what makes it worse? It takes me a pretty substantial amount of time to figure it the flip out! "Hi! I'm Cameo, and I'm a highly irritated snot right now, and it's because I have to share the world!" You know, like the old joke goes - "I have a problem with everyone I meet! There's something wrong with all of them." Uh-huh. When everyone and everything is wrong with the world, it's everyone else who has a problem! Whatever.

So, I realized the other day that I might be PMSing. I sent my willing husband to the store to buy some medicine. I took it, and passed out. Guess it's hard to be a bitch when you're unconscious.

But something really interesting happened while I was sleeping. I woke myself up crying. Crying! Not dreaming about crying, but really crying! I'm so stressed, and tired, and worn out, I'm crying in my sleep! Aren't you glad you're not me right now?

This is one of those cruel ironies life throws at you every once in awhile just to get it's jollies. Let's make sure that when this girl is working really, really long, hard days, we time it just right so she gets her period in the middle of it all! I'm glad some one is having a good time.

Things will get easier after this coming week is over. But I will still be teaching class and holding rehearsal in the evening thru the end of the month. Then we gotta get school supplies, and school clothes, and try and squeeze in a bit of relaxing fun before the boys head back to the classroom.

I guess the lining around all this is, when I do finally get to spend some good quality time with my kids, I should be a nicer person. Let's hope. I know they are!

You Are What You Don't Eat!

2006-07-10T21:09:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
In a land far away
A beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said, "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince I am. And then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle - with my mother; where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself, "I don't freakin' think so!"

Silly me! I thought frog legs sounded gross!

Bert, Did You Think I Forgot?

2006-07-07T20:43:00.000-07:00

Here are the pics from the get together last weekend. It would have been a blast with you there. Everyone asked how you were. I told them, um, well, I better not say!

Anyway -

In attendance: Mara, Heather G., Nick, Martha, Della & Steve, Alex (Wendy), Usha, Morgan, Me & Chris

No shows - Amber, Cara (stuck in Vegas), Victor P.

Incidentally, Morgan asked where Ira was.

Love ya Bert! Enjoy!

A Real Live Yankee Doodle Dandy

2006-06-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

The 4th of July.

A day we celebrate the "birth" of our nation! We take time out of our lives to throw down some hotdogs, shoot some fireworks (oops! no I didn't reveal illegal practices - nope I didn't), and get goosebumps hearing a band play "The Star Spangled Banner". But the Fourth of July marks another, and I believe, far more important event in our house. Celebrating the birth of my own little firecracker - who will be TEN! What? Huh? When?

Evan was born Thursday July 4, 1996, in San Antonio, TX. He was born in room #4, at 4:58pm and weighed in at 8lbs. 8oz. He was actually due on the 9th, but because my doctor was going on vacation, I chose to have him induced on the 4th. I just didn't want to be with a doctor I didn't know, seeing as this was my first baby. Anyway, he was born on the 4th, room #4, at 4:58pm, and he was a boy! Which is absolutely wonderful. Really! It's just that we were expecting a girl! And her name was going to be Sasha, Isabella, Paloma? The truth is we hadn't decided on a name. And when the doctor told us he was a boy, we all laughed - myself, Bubba (my ex - yup, that's what we called him), and my mom. And when mom picked up the phone and called my dad - who had spent the day cleaning out the refrigerator - to let him know the news, he laughed too.

My dad didn't make the trip with my mom because he was in the middle of a show and couldn't leave town. The show, you wonder? "George M." Which, if you don't know anything about the theatre means nothing to you, but George M. Cohen was a pioneer of theatre in this grand ol' USA, and wrote the song we all know and love - "Yankee Doodle Dandy". So, the irony just oozes, doesn't it?

Anyway, back to San Antonio.

I will never forget holding Evan for the first time. He had such substance. I guess I thought he was going to be light, and airy. But he was solid, and warm. His little red face looked worried (oh, if I knew then what I know now...), and his pointed little head was covered in light red hair. He looked like my grandma. My first words to him were, "Hey there Sneakerdoodle." He was my first baby. I was so happy.

So, began the search for boy names. We hadn't considered any. Although I do remember, the whole time I was pregnant, a little voice saying, "What if it's a boy? We need to have a name picked out." I think I knew he was going to be boy all along.

Anyway, after much searching, we settled on a name - Evan.
I love that name. I will always love that name. To me, it's a name that exudes gentle strength. It's a smart name. Refined, but not arrogant. Evan. My Evan. My baby boy, Evan.

Now it's ten years later, and my baby is heading into double digits. DOUBLE DIGITS! He's going to be TEN! And where did all the time go? When I turn around in ten more years, he'll be 20! Whatever.

I know how cliche it is to say the time goes fast. But damn! There's no other way to say it! And the cliche is true! It goes fast!

So, the first real love of my life turns ten this coming Tuesday. And if you happen to remember us while you're eating, shooting fireworks, or getting chills from the spirit of it all, know that I'll be giving him his tenth Fourth of July kiss at exactly 4:58pm.

And just in case you're wondering, Evan has made another post to his blog - letting everyone know what he wants for his birthday. Go check it out! The toys just get more expensive the older he gets. Rest assured, he's not getting item #1.

Hi-Ho! Hi-Ho! Off To See My Kids (and the hubby) I Go!

2006-06-12T20:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have something to tell you.

It's summer. The kids are out of school. And my work schedule is more intense than it is September - May. What that does is make for a shift in priorities.
Unlike winter, when we're trapped inside - summer offers many fun things to do outside! And because time spent with my kids is limited, I'm going to pause this blogging thing for awhile.
I'll post things here and there - and I'll still check out what's going on in your worlds. But, I'm going to get my ass out of this chair for the coming months and be with my growing babies - hell, my growing husband for that matter! (just kidding, honey!)
Cameo is getting out of her 'blog fog', as Chris so affectionately calls it.

So, here's hoping you all have a great summer. And don't think I'm bailing out all together. Just shifting for a bit.

Good Ju-ju to you!

Cameo

Oh yeah! I'll be letting you know if/when Evan makes any new posts. Thanks to all of you who left him comments. 'It takes a village' - thanks for helping me!!!

I Don't Mean To Brag, But...

2006-06-07T20:16:00.000-07:00

Sunday May 28th was our first anniversary! In true Chris and Cameo form we didn't do anything big. Hell, when we got married, we packed the kids in the car, told them we were going to see Judge Judy, and headed to the courthouse!

So, we didn't do anything 'special' for our anniversary - No fancy dinner. No stay at a suave hotel. No pageantry.

But I did get these.

No I didn't.

But I did get this.

Nope, lied again.

Wanna see what I did get? (this time it's for real - promise)

Drumroll................................................

Pretty cool, huh?

So, what you don't know is I've been washing bottles in the bathroom sink. And we've been eating out every meal. And we've been living with a refrigerator in our living room. FOR TWO WEEKS!

But we have been dealing with this tiny, ill-planned, cramped, worn-out, and dated kitchen for 5 years! Doing dishes in a compact sized dishwasher that never got anything clean. Cooking on a stove-top that was wobbly and crusted and rusted. Walking on floors that were CONSTANTLY disgusting. And trying to prepare meals on 2 feet of counter space! That's not an over-exaggeration! Two feet!

So, here's a little journey into the transformation my amazing husband created for us. It's not totally finished yet, but you get the idea.

these pictures taken from the same spot

during the remodel

I don't know about you, but in my book this sure beats dinner, flowers, or jewelry any day!

Incidentally, behind the new cabinets reads: 'Chris remodeled this kitchen May 2006. And his wife loves him for it!'

And I do!
And I'm proud of him too!

6/6/6 It's A Good Day!!!

2006-06-05T19:09:00.000-07:00

In honor of Marcies last post - I got one for you for today!

"It was the dark of the moon on the sixth of June
In a Kenworth pullin logs
Cab over Pete with a reefer on
And a Jimmy haulin hogs...

Coz we got a little old convoy rockin' thru the night
Yeah we got a little old convoy aint she a beautiful sight
Come on and join our convoy aint nothin' gonna get in our way
We gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the USA

Convoy"

Happy 6/6/6 y'all!

Okay, now to totally switch gears....... wanna see something really cool?

Wanna see something else really cool?

Life is good! Have a great day!

Help A Sister Out

2006-06-04T19:33:00.000-07:00

The other day I told you how Evan now has his own blog. He got a couple of comments and it made his whole week!
I'm actually glad he's doing this because it gives me a chance to help him with his writing skills and he doesn't even know it!
So, my brilliant son has made another post. And if you could drop by and leave him a comment that would be great!
My hope is the interaction will boost his desire to write more, and well..... that can only be a good thing!

Thanks! And when he posts anything new I will link it at the bottom of mine! Thanks again!

www.evanwashere.blogspot.com

First Day At The Pool! Yeah!

2006-06-03T13:21:00.000-07:00

Today was Roxy's first day at the pool! EVER! And she had a blast! Here are pictures of the magic moment!

Growing Up And Doing New Things! (where did my baby go?)

2006-06-01T20:15:00.000-07:00

I got nothing today.

So here's a picture of Evan talking on the phone with 'the girl' - who incidentally called again today!

Oh yeah! Evan has joined the blogging world now too! If you would like to go visit him, you can do so here!

Hi Evan! Hi Noah!

2006-05-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

It's happening........ I kid you not......... At this very moment.................. My son is on the phone with a girl! And the conversation from this end sounds a little something like this...

"No." pause "Who wants to know?" pause "I'm not tellin'!" pause "Why are you even calling me?"

Oh! Oh! Wait! The little brother has entered the conversation and is chasing Evan (still on the phone) through the house screaming, "He does too like Katie! He likes Katie! He does!"

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I remember those days. Having your friend call a boy and asking him who he likes. All the while, you're sitting there listening on the other line - Or like we used to do it in the olden days, smashing your ear up to the receiver holding your breath so the boy didn't hear two separate sets of breathing. And trying not to giggle and give your 'secret' away.

All those years of pulling one over on those poor boys.

Me, being the ever helpful and hip mama, decided to 'fill him in' on the secret.

"Psst. Evan. Is she asking you if you like Katie?"

Nod.

"You know Katie is really there with her?" The big reveal!

"Yeah, I know.," Completely irritated by my ignorance.

Touche!

So, today we have entered a new realm. The girls have officially begun to call! And life as I knew it is over, my friends. Over.
And what makes this whole event even scarier is Evan telling me the other day he wanted to kiss Katie!

That's it people! I'm running away now!

Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Hang on tight! The phone just rang again. This time for Noah. And it's his friend Justin calling to tell him that his little sister saw a picture of Noah in the yearbook and thinks he's cute and wants to be his girlfriend!

What is going on here? Two of those phone calls in the same afternoon in the course of 20 minutes!

So, as I was saying earlier.......... Life as I know it is over, my friends. Over. There is no more hope.

Oh wait! Yes, there is! Roxy is flipping over now. Soon she'll be crawling, then walking, then talking, then talking back......... ok, so it's always 'over', huh?

The joys of being a mama!

You know I secretly love all this, don't you?

One For The Grandkids

2006-05-27T04:29:00.000-07:00

She met the boy when she was 12 or 13. In the lobby of a movie theatre. He was on a date with one of her friends from the old neighborhood. They were introduced. "Hi.," she said. He nodded and looked shyly at the floor, as his lower lip curled up under his top one. That was it. Nothing more.

She met him again, about a year later when she had her first serious boyfriend. They were in the same circle of friends. The girl, the boy, the boyfriend, and the old neighborhood friend. But she didn't remember meeting him before. He hadn't been important. He still wasn't. He was just one of the boys in the group. One of the recognizable faces in the crowd.

Over the next 15 years, their lives intertwined. They would see each other various places. They would spend evenings together - they shared the same close friends - but they never spoke to eachother. They had nothing to say.
He moved away and then came back. She moved away and then came back. They were simply standard in eachother's lives. Always there, but for no real reason. And not missed when they were apart. Not even thought of.

One day, after the girl had married and become a mother, the idea came up to get in touch with an old friend. She and her best friend were talking, and the old "I wonder what_______ is up to?" question entered the conversation. Being who she is, the girl immediately looked up the phone number and called the person in question. After a very short and lighthearted conversation, plans were made to meet that Thursday - a mere 4 days away. "Is it okay if I bring 'the boy?'," the long lost friend asked. "Sure!," the girl replied. And the countdown began.

Four days later, they waited - this girl and her best friend. And through the doors walked the long lost friend and 'the boy'. It was awkward at first. It had been years! But after a few drinks, the conversation flew and years of catching up was under way.

The girl and 'the boy' didn't speak to each other at first. Nothing had changed. They had nothing to say. But as the night drew on, they discovered they could speak with each other and it was really quite enjoyable.

So, having had a great time, the group made plans to go out again. Nothing specific. Just the promise they wouldn't let so much time go by before they saw each other again.

They kept their promise. And within the next few months the friends hit the town a few more times. Nothing really. Just good reckless fun. Then back to reality the next day.

One night, the girl was home by herself. Her children were there, but they had been in bed for a couple of hours. At 10pm, the phone rang. And it was him. It was 'the boy'. He was calling her back. She had called him earlier that day - just to taunt him really. 'The boy' never spoke on the phone. He wouldn't answer it when people called. She knew this. And she had called him earlier that day just because. No reason, really. Just being silly.
But there she stood - dumbfounded he was on the other end. And surprisingly filled with excitement! They spoke effortlessly for 4 hours. Covering everything from religion to politics, to music, to movies...... the list goes on. They laughed. They debated. They disagreed. They agreed. At 2am, when they hung up, she was invigorated! After all these years, she had so much in common with 'the boy'! She was thrilled by their new friendship. Thrilled!

Over the next few months, they started to do more things together. They went to performances and concerts. They debated current events over a couple of drinks and a pack of smokes. They were genuine friends!

But there was a problem.

The girl began to realize she was falling in love with the boy. She began to realize their friendship was the stuff great relationships are made of.

She was married.

So, she backed off. For a minute. But she couldn't stay away. She wanted to be with him more than anything. She didn't know what to do. So she went to her husband. She explained that she thought she might be falling in love with 'the boy'. They had a heartfelt discussion with no resolution. Which was typical.

When the girl married her husband, she had been young - emotionally and spiritually young. She hadn't known her path. She had a pretty good sense of herself, but had the habit of losing it once and awhile. So she had unfortunately married someone with whom she shared nothing in common except two gorgeous children.

With 'the boy', she came back to who she was. She became the girl again. Not just the mommy. Not just the worker. Not just someone's wife. She came back to herself. And it felt fabulous.

For the next year, the girl struggled with what to do. She and her husband kept open communication about their feelings and what they really wanted. And the decision was made. They both needed to go their separate ways. They had been complacent too long. They had nothing in common. They didn't have a strong relationship - one that would stand after the kids moved on. It was a painful discovery, but it was honest. Probably the first honest thing they had done for each other (for themselves) in a long time.
They sat the children down, and the world crumbled.

Over the next year, the girl focused fiercely on getting her children through the crisis. She cut back her hours at work to be home with them more. She volunteered at their school. Her husband was committed too. He remained heavily in their life as before. They did what they could for their children. They operated from a place of love and guilt. But they never second guessed their decision. Not once.

And over the course of the same year, the girl and the boy were free to love eachother as they wished. They took it slow. Things progressed, on a certain level, based on the allowances of the children. Nothing was forced. Nothing was unwelcome. There was no need to rush things.

The girl didn't know where the relationship was headed. She knew she wanted to be with 'the boy', but didn't know in what capacity. She never thought they would be friends. She never thought they would be lovers. But look what happened! She just knew she wanted to be with him.

In her dreams, she pictured them married and having a baby together. But those were dreams. Her reality was two children, work, house payments, and an ex-husband. She never doubted her relationship with 'the boy'. Not once. It just needed to stay in it's place for the time being.

So, we fast-forward to May 28, 2006. The first anniversary of the girl and 'the boy'! They have a beautiful daughter together named Roxy. Their three children are happy and healthy. The girl is still absolutely in love with the boy!

Over twenty years ago, I met the love of my life.

And I've never been happier.

Good Thoughts

2006-05-26T01:19:00.000-07:00

Do you remember this little diddy from the 70's? It's by Don Williams - I love it! It was one of the songs Chris & I put on the CD we made in celebration of getting married. Here are the lyrics.....

I don't believe in superstars, organic foods, and foreign cars
I don't believe the price of gold, the certainty of growing old
That right is right and left is wrong
That north and south can't get along
That east is east and west is west
And being first is always best

But I believe in love
I believe in babies
I believe in mom and dad
And I believe in you

I don't believe that heaven waits for only those who congregrate
I like to think of God as love
He's down below, He's up above
He's watching people everywhere
He knows who does and doesn't care
And I'm an old and married man
Sometimes I wonder who I am

But I believe in love
I believe in music
I believe in magic
And I believe in you

I know with all my certainty
What's going on with you and me is a good thing
It's true, I believe in you

Well, I don't believe virginity is as common as it used to be
And working days and sleeping nights
That black is black and white is white
That Superman and Robin Hood are still alive in Hollywood
That gasoline's in short supply
The rising cost of getting by

But I believe in love
I believe in old folks
I believe in children
And I believe in you

Have a good day!

Uh Huh, Just Pretend This Isn't You!

2006-05-23T09:11:00.000-07:00

Here's a funny one I got from my friend Teresa in Phoenix. I identified.

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break-up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@.. kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh shit what the hell happened?"

Bonus:26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.

A Heavy Dose Of The Good Stuff

2006-05-19T20:04:00.000-07:00

Is there anyone else out there who ever looks at their children and suddenly gets hit with the enormity of them? That's what happened when I looked at these pictures of my babies. I got hit with that little dose of reality that they have their own consciousness; their own sense of being; their own reality. It truly is an amazing feeling. I get so busy with the day to day happenings - work, home, bills, plans, blah blah blah, you know the drill. And I enjoy my children. I really do. Even when they're under foot and wanting something from me ALL THE TIME. But these little moments are refreshing and I'm glad I have them. Just looking into their eyes and not being able to understand the complexity of it all is a great reality slap. One I find I need periodically.

Sometimes I find myself wondering what it feels like to be someone I see driving down the street. Like, what's their reality? What's going on in their world right now? What are they thinking about? This is the feeling I'm talking about.
Looking into Evan, Noah & Roxy's eyes makes me wonder their reality. Their thoughts, feelings, dreams, secrets. It's a very humbling thought that I may "control" their world now, but I can never control their spirit.

EPIC

2006-05-16T16:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is the video that I wanted people to see. It was sent to me by my friend Deb. It's kinda long - about 7 minutes - so be prepared for that. But, I just think this is very interesting! And deserves some attention. I'd like to thank dear Ms. Bombadee for helping me out with the whole Video Egg thing (which wouldn't work for this, thus the link). So, take a minute, er, 7 minutes, and sit back and ponder. This video is called EPIC.

And this has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but I find it amazing. Utterly amazing.

Flippin Network Execs!

2006-05-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

There are only three television shows I watch (well, usually). The first is Sunday Morning. Although I've missed it the last 3 weeks because I've been sleeping through it. The second is Boston Legal, because I am home on Tuesday night. And the third, is Grey's Anatomy. And wouldn't you know it - the f**kers decided to go and have a 2-hour, 2-day finale with the final episode TONIGHT! WHEN I'M AT WORK!!! Damn them. It's not like I'm addicted or anything. But come on people! Couldn't they have just had a two hour show last night? Now I'm either going to have my husband tape it, or I'm going to have to rely on good commentary from him to get me the info I wanna know. I hate it when the networks decided I have no life. Damn them all to hell!

edit: Now I hear the moron president is going to speak tonight. If that idiot ruins my season final I swear I will hate him with a vengeance more than I do now. You can mess up the country, and other people's country. You can let your friends rob me at the gas pump. You can destroy the environment more than any president. You can lie, swindle, cheat, and be the dumbest f**ucking moron EVER to hit the face of the planet - but don't you dare F**K with my show, man! Don't you dare.

NOTE: New title to post FLIPPIN' MORON PRESIDENT

Strong Women and then Some

2006-05-11T14:22:00.000-07:00

I went and saw my grandmother today! She's too cool. She's strong and spunky and edgy and I love her like nothing else. She is no taller than a short stack of pancakes and her voice is deep and gruff with the undertones of a growl. She is funny and quick witted. I wanna be like her when I grow up.

Anyway, she shared some interesting information with me. I am a descent of people who have the same last name as my husband. Holy shit people, we could be VERY distant cousins! I freakin' love it! And so does he! We're going to do more research on his family line and see if we have related blood somewhere in the past (circa 1700's). I think the whole thing is cool. And when I told Marcie she said things like this probably happen more than we know. Just looking at all the information my grandma has, I find it hard to believe that we're not all related somehow. Seriously!

And on a totally unrelated note - I'm reading this book.
Get it! Go check it out at the library or spend the money and buy the thing! We all need to take a hard-core look at the world around us and shift things! Not only for our daughters, but also for our sons! It's my opinion the Feminist Movement needs to be re-energized and awakened! This is NOT the post-feminist era, it's really a no-feminist era. Let's all get our acts together! This is one area we need to back-track on. We NEED to!

And here's a photo that has nothing to do with anything except it's really cute!
And I've got a couple of things that I want to post here within the next couple of days. But I have to figure out how to do it. Two are videos - one is kinda funny. The other is a little long but incredibly interesting and worth the time viewing it. I think it's something that warrants thought. The final is something Marcie send me today. So, if I find the time to figure all these things out, I'll put them up. So, check back.
And on a final note. Here's wishing a great Mother's Day to all the mama's I know. And here's wishing a great Mother's Day to all the babies who were loved by a good mama. Good ju-ju to you all!!!!!

Jibber Jabber

2006-05-08T10:27:00.000-07:00

What to write about today? Let's see, I could complain about the incompetence at the bank this morning or the stupid policy I witnessed the other day at the store who's name rhymes with "small fart." Or I could tell you that I had a meltdown the other night in front of the dryer (kind of an appropriate place, no?) and that my sweet man of a husband talked me through it. Or I could tell you this is the busiest time of the year and that I have both a recital and a company performance in the next two weeks. And that the boys are out of school on the 26th. And that I get a week "off" and then back to work again for a three week workshop that I still have to prepare for. Or that Roxy's pooping at this very moment. Or that I just got through changing a poopy diaper! Or all the countless random thoughts that enter my head on a daily basis. Like, does anyone else ever wonder what it feels like to be someone they see driving down the street? Or how people seem to have SO much it makes me wonder how much they get paid, or if they're living beyond their means. Or why didn't I become a weather person?

But instead I think I'll write about this...... Roxy is at that phase where she eats her feet, and I love it!
I forgot babies do that. And my sweet princess growls. It's the most charming thing. Growling, charming? Damn straight! When it's your baby, EVERYTHING is charming.

And these are the flowers I got for MayDay.

And this is the man that gave them to me. I had to chase him with one pant leg on and my underwear partially (alright, FULLY) exposed. He was a gem and stopped running!

And I went and saw Gigi today! She is shear perfection! She can't hear a damn thing, but that's okay. As she said, there are some benefits to getting old and being deaf.

And that my Noah is a lean, mean, dancing machine. And I love that he enjoys dance, and doesn't care what other people think about it!!!!!

And that my Evan said the sweetest things about me for his Mother's Day Tea at school. It's an interesting take -what your kids remember and their perspective on things.

And that my sweet angel princess slept 10 hours last night and I feel like a new woman!!!!! HAVE A GREAT DAY!

The Gigi Post!!!

2006-05-05T14:40:00.000-07:00

This is the e-mail I got from her daughter today!

YAHOOO....after a few very rough days mom has made great progress. She's talking, laughing, sitting in a chair and eating a bit. She is in great spirits, although she doesn't remember too much of what happened. She told the nurses they must be crazy when they told her she had heart surgery.
She is doing so well they may move her out of ICU today...yippee!!!!
All of the nursing staff in ICU are rooting for her and they all think she is a hoot!

Thank you all for your prayers, cards, notes, calls and good wishes. When I told her how many people were pulling for her she was just thrilled.

Thank you all again for your support.

Love,
Berni

(and on a side note - tomorrow she turns 89!!!!!)

Blogging Smlogging

2006-05-04T08:47:00.000-07:00

I don't have "readers." And truth be told, I don't want to have readers. What I do have, after a few months here in the blogsphere, is a handful of like-minded, kid-toting, liberal feminist chicks that I exchange thoughts with. What I don't have is a business or a great desire to be one of a group. Now, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against those individuals who want to make something more out of their time here in the blog world. "Go fer it," if it makes you happy. But there are certain things I don't understand, like renters (seriously, I don't get how this works), and selling ad space, etc. I thought the word blog was short for Web Log. You know, like a journal. A diary. A place where you threw ideas and thoughts and people responded and that was about it. I thought the premise was to broaden your world by allowing you to find others who share your views, interests, concerns. That is why we all filled out the profile section, right?
I have no interest in blogging turning into a business. (don't get me wrong, if I made 6 figures off 400+ comments, I would probably re-consider. but that's not going to happen) Nor do I have an interest in clamoring for attention. Seriously, if I read somebody's post and there are 20 or more comments, I leave. To me it's like being in grade school when a special presentation is over and it's time for Q & A and everybody is waving their hands way up high and oohhhing and aahhhhing and hoping that they will be one of the lucky ones that gets picked. I don't do that. I never have. I figure if you wanted me around, there'd be room. And I'm not trying to insult anybody by saying this! Please believe me when I say that. I'm really not. I like a someone who has a following. And when I leave her comments she replies. I like her. But she hasn't been around here lately. I think she's really busy.
Anyway, I think all this stems from something I found out when I was set the graduate from college. In one class, we had to take a test. A test designed to give us a better perspective as to our likes, interests, and strong suits. I thrived in artistic areas. Abstract thought was down my alley. What wasn't? Social Institutions. I bombed anything having to do with structure. Kind of ironic for a ballet instructor, huh? Anyway, what this means is that I don't play well in large groups. Duh. I have no desire to belong to the group - any group. Do I appreciate the circles that I am in? Hell yes! But NOT because I am a member. Simply because I appreciate the people in them. If they all told me to take a flying leap, my feelings might be hurt, but I'd leap and never look back.
So, I realize that everybody starts a blog for different reasons. And I'm not slamming anybody or their choices. All I'm saying is, if you come here often and think you like me sometimes, cool! I can honestly say that the people who leave me comments I have found to be funny, interesting, and like-minded. And that's great! It's nice to know that there are others out there who share (some of) your views. It's a nice new little circle. And I like things just the way they are.

DreamBoat

2006-05-02T20:17:00.000-07:00

Characters: Chris, Evan, Noah & Mama
Setting: all the males are in the kitchen, Mama is walking through the living room

Mama: Uh oh, the pretty boy's on T.V.

Evan: Who's the pretty boy?

Mama: Matthew McConahey.

Noah: Who's that?

Chris: He's your mom's dreamboat.

Mama: No no, you're my dreamboat.

Chris: Nope, I'm your tugboat.

Mama: That's right baby! (chuckling and wrapping her arms around his BIG belly) You're my tugboat.

Only Hours To Go!

2006-04-30T15:59:00.000-07:00

Like I said in my last post, April has been sucky on a host of levels. After I wrote that, I got more bad news - my dear friend Gigi has to have triple by-pass surgery. She's one of the loves of my life. She's 88, the most liberal being you'll ever meet (from Boston, of course, with a delicious accent), she's an old vaudeville performer, and spunky as the day is long. She delights at playing the piano, and does so for the "senior center." Whatever! She goes to play for people who are younger than she. She's just an amazing gal - she got good ju-ju. Anyway, the doctors gave her an 80% success rate for pulling through the surgery well. She feels positive about it. But the whole thing still rips.
And then, the other night, while driving to rehearsal, the car in front of me hit a cat on the highway. It wasn't instant. I had to stop and be with this animal as it suffered itself into death. I placed my hands on it until it died. Just touching it in the hopes that having some love would help. Then I took one of Roxy's burp rags out of the back of my car and moved the bloody body off the road. It was a disgusting image that I will have stored in my memory banks forever - destined to suffer the anguish when it decides to flash to the forefront. I took a sleeping pill that night.
So, today is the last day of April. The shittiest month I've had for a really long time. Actually, I don't think I've ever had a shittier month.
And tomorrow is May 1st! MayDay! Yes, we still celebrate MayDay in my family. We take flowers to people and leave them on their porches. My dad brings me flowers and tries to sneak away. That's the tradition - you leave the flowers and try to get away before the recipient catches you. Last year he almost got away and I chased him all over my front yard. If you catch them, you have to give them a kiss. I slobbered!
This year I cheated and tonight, left him his on the back porch. He called me, "It's not MayDay yet!" "Yea, well I'm 7 hours and 10 minutes early - get over it! I got you!" I'll wake up with flowers on my porch in the morning. And they'll be beautiful. And I'll love them. And they'll signify the fresh start that I'm in such need of. And I won't get to chase him because he'll probably come by tonight after he gets out of rehearsal. But tomorrow, I'll kiss him.
Oh, and on a final note. Keeping true to the "April sucks" theme. I got my period today.

April Sucks - Somethin's Gotta Give

2006-04-27T19:47:00.000-07:00

April SUCKS! I don't know what's going on with the cosmos, but it's not in my favor. And here I thought this was going to be a great year - MY year - Year of the Dog! Ha, frickin' ha ha. My hope is when April leaves, the bad ju-ju leaves with it.
It's been one thing after another. Both the boys and I were sick. I rarely get sick and this time it was a doozy. So bad it was, that all three of my kids spent 3 days with my parents while I fought horrible body aches, chills, etc. I would have given anything to have just barfed the crap out, but Noooooooooooo! It thought I needed it to linger for a good 8 days.
Sadly, the day I came down with the shit was the day Chris' sister Sheri died. She was 45. She died of cervical cancer. Can I just take the time to tell everyone how important it is for you get your annual. Don't EVER skip one!!! We buried her last Tuesday. It was very hard. The whole thing is a tragedy on so many levels. She left behind three children and a husband who loved her very much. Her oldest daughter is pregnant with her first grandchild, a boy due in July. And her son is set to graduate in May. She was one of the kindest, sweetest people you could have ever wanted to know. The world needs more people like her.
And then today... my phone rang at 3:30. It was my biological dad calling to tell me something "really bad." My thoughts flashed to my grandma - the one I was supposed to take Roxy to go meet when I got sick. Then it flashed to my brother who is over in Iraq. Then the words came. "Denny burned to death last night." Denny, my cousin. He's younger than me. And from what we know, his apartment caught fire and he didn't make it. "Fuck!" That's all I could get out. And I cried. Denny - the second half of Shannen (his sister)& Denny. Denny. Who while in the service, was included in the annual picture of the grandkids because we held up the phone (with him on it). Denny. That blonde haired, big ass goatee sporting guy with the sparkle in his eyes. Denny. The daddy to two little girls. Denny. The good guy.
Denny and I split center behind my grandma
April has been exhausting. Doesn't look like it's going to slow down either. I just really want to get back to my boring, mundane routine. Sickness and death have been this months theme. And I'm ready for it to stop.
So let me take this time to wish anyone who is reading this good health, good love, good laughs, and good ju-ju. Go kiss someone you love.

Truth Be Told

2006-04-25T18:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have two confessions to make. They aren't great earth shattering confessions, but they need to come out. First, I am a happy person.
Really I am.
I love my life. I feel confident in the person I have become. I like who I am and what I stand for.
I don't feel like I'm lost or trying to figure anything out. I don't feel like I have all the answers either, but I'm definitely not wandering - floating maybe, but not wandering.
See, I told you it wasn't that impressive.

And second, I'm addicted to buying clothes for Roxy.

Now some of you might interpret my clothes buying obsession as a sub-conscious need. Nope. I don't go shopping for the sake of shopping. I go to the store to purchase specific things. Usually the likes of laundry detergent and diapers. And then I float (oh oh see where we're going here?) over to the baby clothes. Inevitably, I find something that I love.
But here's what I do. I put it in my cart and then walk around with it for awhile. After a few minutes the thrill and love fade. And nine times outta ten, I put the item back. But sometimes the item makes it home. And here's where it's gotten really bad. I have bought Roxy things for when she's 2! The child is 4 months as we speak! I have things that will be hanging in her closet until December 2007! But you know what? I look at them and I still love them, so the purchase was right on. Potentially, we could have a basement full of clothes and be flat broke. Na, just kidding.
My theory on this whole thing is I love good design and style. And right now, I'm not able to buy things for me that I love (I'm using the baby fat "reason" for this one). So, I buy things for Miss Rox because I know they will fit her.

So there you have it. My dirty little secrets. Mama has a good life. And her daughter has a groovy ass wardrobe!

Payback's A Bitch

2006-04-22T19:54:00.000-07:00

Roxy's 3 month picture

The other day my mom commented on how she thought it funny I dressed Roxy in pink. Funny because I NEVER wore pink - HATED IT WITH A PASSION! Pink to me represented all things sweet. I hated sweet. Pink represented all things cute. I hated cute. Pink was all things darling. I despised darling. Why? Sweet, cute and darling were things I would not/could not ever be. My mom hated the fact that I opted for the black leather jacket with spikes and studs. She cringed when I dyed (and subsequently fried) my hair. Repeatedly. She laughed when I brought people home named "Trash" or "Spit." But we all know, inside, she was gasping for air.
My poor mother. She was a trooper. I put her through the ringer. All she wanted was for her little girl to be "pretty." She didn't want to have to explain to people that underneath all the "stuff" was a good person who knew right from wrong. And she didn't want the world to think ill of her, because, after all, I was a reflection of her. She didn't want to be embarrassed of me. But she was embarrassed of me because she just didn't get it. She was a product of the 50's - when the world was "put together." And she was CUTE! DARLING! She just didn't get how I was different than her.
So, here we sit, some 20 years later. And the fact that I dress my daughter in pink befuddles her. The fact I (and believe me when I tell you this one stumps me too) put pink bows in her hair, throws her for a loop. I can't tell you why I do it. It's fun. For the same reason people dress their dogs in little outfits. There's absolutely no good reason, other than playing. And I'm playing. WHILE I CAN!
One day I will post pictures of Chris & myself when we were teenagers. Then you'll understand. There is no doubt in my mind that Miss Roxy will opt for the fringe too. And I hope to God she does. As long as Roxy, or the boys for that matter, know what's good. As long as they DO what's right, then I will have no problem with them looking bizarre. I will deal with the comments or the looks from others. I will. And I won't care. Really. I think.

Silly Me!

2006-04-20T08:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm a little pissed. Which doesn't take much on a good day. I went over to Mom-101, and left a comment on her post on Feminism. An innocent little comment. And from what I hear, someone from across the pond thought me full of shit. Apparently they weren't really mean about it, but they popped over to my blog and seemed to be irritated that I was "beautiful" (thanks, I think), and that I wrote about how women have hair. And how feminism was so much more than my comment on hair eluded. I never got to see the comment because the person deleted it before I got a chance. But they did leave another one explaining how they just felt that Feminism, to them, means equality, plain and simple. Okay?

How dumb I must be. Silly me. Silly me for thinking I was a feminist because I want to instill in my sons the fact that women have hair growing in all the same places men do. How silly of me that I want them to understand women aren't slick and slithering at all times. How silly of me to be open with them that I have hair on my lip, my chin, my toes, my crotch, my pits, my legs, under my belly button, the random one that sprouts outta my cheek on occasion, and yes, Virginia, that I have nose hair! How silly of me to stink after a day of living, and not try mask it with flowery perfumes and deodorants. How silly of me to air out my foul feet in the middle of the living room. How silly of me to fart and burp in their presence. How silly of me to not wear make-up except on occasions like my sister-in-laws (Chris' sister) funeral (yes, where the picture of Marcie & me was taken). How silly of me that I want my sons to understand women are just the same as men in these respects so when they are older, they will look for a substantial woman - one who doesn't subscribe to female objectification. (Because THEY don't subscribe to female objectification!) Silly me that I want them to look for a partner who values thought, and goodness, and equality. Not one who is so insecure in her own skin that she can't face the real important issues of life. Silly me that I want my sons to be advocates for women's equality (anyone's equality for that matter), so they will be the one's to stand for what's right and noble and help in a bad situation. How silly of me to want my sons to look past physical appearance and appreciate someone for who they are. How silly of me.
And never mind the fact that I am the sole legal owner of this house. Never mind I make more per hour than my husband. Never mind I own my own car. And his. Never mind I have my own personal checking account with my own money. And my own business with my own money. Never mind that. No, I'm not a feminist. I'm not living a life women before me dreamed and fought for. I'm not in a loving relationship with a good man, who's name I did not take. Nope, that's not me.
It's just that I'm not taking on the world anymore. I'm not losing sleep over the things I can't change. I'm not going to let things like The Promise Keepers impact my life. I'm going to raise children who can think for themselves and understand how organizations like this are dangerous. That's how I'm a feminist. I'm not going to go looking for a fight, but I will jump in when a good cause needs me. I understand the world isn't fair. I know there are horrors and unjust acts committed against women. I've been there, thank you very much. You're preaching to the choir on this one. I hate the fact that women walk in a world different from the one men walk in. I hate it! I hate the fact that the porn industry is an industry! I hate the fact that everything you see objectifies women - that we're All victims beause of it. And that we're all so immune to it! I hate anything that is unfair and hurtful to anybody! Period! We're the far side of left in this house. Have been for many years, and will continue to be regardless.
So my fight for Feminism is a quiet one - an internal one. My fight for equality is not subscribing to sexist notions and raising children who do (or don't do) the same. My fight is by teaching my children (and students) as we go and as things arise. My fight is by trying to be a living example.
Sorry if this seems shallow to some.

And When You Smile For The Camera....

2006-04-18T18:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, so the last picture I posted of Marcie and myself was daaarrrkk - soooooo dark - very dark. Well, we're out of the cave now, and in the bright ol' midwestern sunshine. Cheese!

Happy Easter!

2006-04-16T15:38:00.000-07:00

All things good & sugary to you!

Tag! I'm IT!

2006-04-13T23:56:00.000-07:00

Hey! The great and powerful Izzy tagged me. It took me awhile to figure it out, but I think I did and here goes - SIX THINGS ABOUT ME!:
1) I love the smell of dogs feet. I know this is weird, but they just smell dry - like salt. Plus, they're soft. Try it.
2) Just recently I had to make peace with Proctor & Gamble, and I hate it! I'm an avid label checker - I refuse to buy an of their products because of their (past?) policies on animal testing. This means no Tide, Charmin, Bounty, Puffs, Bounce, Swiffer, Pringles, and a huge list of other everyday items. However, in my old age, I have developed skin that is incredibly sensitive to fragrance and have had to start buying Tide Free. aaggghhhhhh!
3) I laugh in my sleep and it wakes me up. Last time it happened it sounded like I was crying. My husband was very concerned until I told him I was laughing. He asked what about, and I didn't know. And along this note, when I'm pregnant - I laugh a lot!
4) I'm not afraid to ask for things or demand them, if necessary. My ex used to say "There's Cameos line and then there's everybody else's line." That's because if there are 42 people waiting and only one line open, I will be the one to say something. But I'm also not afraid to bypass 100 who are waiting in the proper place and go to an open VIP line to get help. Do I take 22 items to the 12 & under lane? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But I will go with 15. Provided there's nobody in the line.
5) And while we're on that subject - I HATE PEOPLE WHO JUMP AHEAD OF YOU WHEN A NEW LINE HAD JUST OPENED UP!!!!! This just happened to me the other day. This lady behind me, tried to go in front of me! I told her that "we" (the guy in front of me and myself) had been waiting longer than she had. When I passed her, she said, "I didn't know there was a rule about it." My response? "Yea, it's called etiquette - manners! It's why grade school children get in trouble for cutting in line!" You picked the wrong woman to make a snide comment to, bitch!
6) I love cilantro.

Truth Hurts

2006-04-10T18:11:00.000-07:00

'Nuff said!

One Drink Maximum, Please!

2006-04-08T19:02:00.000-07:00

Well, as irony would have it (and it always does) my big gorgeous hunk of a husband and I went to see a show last night!!!! And here I was thinking that I wouldn't be going out for a long time. HA! We went and saw the Neville Brothers. It was my birthday present to Chris who turns 39 on Sunday!!!And it was a blast. It was my first time seeing them - it was Chris' 2,000th or something. Anyway, keeping true to the fact that I hadn't had an alcoholic beverage in just over a year, and that I hadn't eaten since 1pm , I was flyin' low and happy with the world 45 minutes prior to showtime. Being the ever responsible one, I did down a piece of pound cake, so as not to barf at a later time. And then I kept on going. Well, only two more drinks really - Rum & Coke. But DAMN if I wasn't lovin' life. I was best friends with everyone there! I danced! I molested Chris!! I soaked up the light show. I enjoyed all the different types of people and their energy. Everything from silver haired old ladies to privilidged "hippie" college kids. And for some reason, I was dying to hear Aaron sing the cotton song (the touch, the feel of cotton. the magic of our lives), but he didn't. Go figure. Anyway, it was a great release. And after a week of sick kids, mommy needed a release! BIG TIME! We had almost 4 hours of adult time. Almost 4 hours of self-indulgent time. Almost 4 hours of freedom. And the topper of the evening was (drumroll please)....... we came home to a barfing kid, yet again! It was fun while it lasted.

Remember When?

2006-04-07T07:09:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken in 1993. Vince, Chris, Me & Melisa (plus Amy but you can't see her) all crammed into a photo booth in Manor Square. Vince & Melisa have since moved out of state - to the same state, but not together. Chris & I are obviously married w/kids, but when this was taken, we hadn't spoken but two words to one another in the 10 years we had known eachother. When we started dating, I found this picture tucked away in an old photo album. Imagine how excited I was to find it. I forgot it even existed. So, there's a small flashback. Happy day to you!

Isn't She Lovely?

2006-04-05T21:43:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna love this hat till the day I die. It's just too cute. I wish I knew how to knit, then I'd make one for myself too!

Have a Nice Trip - See You Next Fall

2006-04-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

I don't read too many blogs. Just a couple that I check on a daily basis. However, I noticed this weekend that the ones I read seemed to be taking a little time off. And you know what? So was I. Well, all I have to say is GOOD FOR US!!! We have a life. Whatever those sassy women (bloggers) were doing on their absent days, I hope it was fun. As for me? Well.............
My beautiful husband and I were strolling down Matrimony Lane the other day, when out of nowhere, the man tripped me! And down I went, face first, into the saturated ground of fatalism and absolutes. Oh, I clawed my way back up (nobody puts baby in a corner!) Sinking every claw I have into him on the way. Hissing as I went. It was exhausting. It was painful (at the moment). But it was productive, and enlightening, and necessary. We're all flawed creatures. And when somebody impacts you, and it hurts, you are forced to evaluate and support your standards. You're also forced to recognize your shortcomings. If the one you love cares, they adjust. If you love them, you adjust. And each time you do, you take one step closer to eachother. One step closer to that magical thing that happens when you have a true life partner. I have one. And I'm so damn happy about that.
So, we both cleaned eachothers wounds. We kissed and made up. We are actually both thankful that we hit this bump in the road. It sent us to a smoother side of Matrimony Lane - until the next pitfall. And we all know there will be more. But today I love him a little bit more. Because now I understand a little more about this complex creature I get to share my life with. Today, his eyes are softer. His mouth - a little prettier. His voice is gorgeous. Kind of reminds me of that line from "Sex, Lies, & Videotape, " - "Men tend to fall in love with the women they are attracted to - Women tend to become more attracted to the men they love." I used to really believe that. But now I don't know if I do so much. I think the later is true for both the sexes. When you continue to discover more about the person you love, and as a result, more about yourself, the whole process is sexy. You have more in common. You have a longer shared history. You have comfort. And that's enticing. So the pitfalls are a necessary evil (cuz nobody said life was perfect). But when you find the right one, everyday is absolutely fabulous - even when your face hits the dirt.

Skate A Little Lower Now...

2006-04-01T21:11:00.000-08:00

It was nearly TWENTY years ago (oh no you din'nt!) that Marcie and I would drive the city with absolutely no plan or destination listening to Renegade Soundwave ("are we gonna have some...are we gonna have some fun?"), Ice T, Zeppelin (Kashmir's musical orgasm, and that poor man with that tiny lemon), Paul's Boutique ("girl....you're a dog on a leash like a pig in a pen"), Jefferson Airplane ("if only you believe"... DAMN!!!!!), etc. She was the only other person my age who knew show tunes. We bonded over the "Telephone Hour" from "Bye Bye Birdie" ("hi marcie, hi cami (ughhhh), what's the story morning glory...?")
She has always had this amazing knack (still does) for understanding the lyrics to songs. Hearing the funniest little things that slip past the average listener (me). And occasionally I have that honor ("do you remember the 21st of September?") That song turned out to be pretty important in her life. Our lives have been shared over an absolutely fantastic soundtrack!
It's a daily occurrence for us to sing with/to eachother over the phone. You know what I heard today? What? 10cc! sing Little River Band! sing Air Supply! sing Maureen Muldare! sing Atlanta Rhythm Section! sing Loggins and Messina! sing She always knows who sings the songs. ALWAYS! She sings Loretta Lynn and then break right into Jay-Z. When we reminisce, one of usually remembers what was playing in the background. Steely Dan at the grandparents pool at night. Radar and the Lemon Song. Plus a million more.
Our parents share a great love of music too. Her step-dad and my mom are the only two people we know that owned the "Beautiful Day" album. My mom believes (as do I) that Rubber Soul was the best Beatles album. Plain and simple, we grew up on good music. Our friendship grew on great music.
We have talked about putting together a CD of Marcie & Cameo songs, but truth be told, it would probably turn into a box set. We laugh about that darling boy from Incubus (and yes, there's a memory for that one too). We sing along with "Willy & Waylon and the boys." "And you won't need no camel baby when I take you for a ride." But ironically, I don't believe that we have ever gone to a show together! Go figure! Oh there have been plans (or better said - wishes) to go see Loretta, or Dolly, or Bob. But our reality says nope! So, we sing with eachother. She's something else, my Miss Marta. She makes me laugh all the time. She is my best friend - for a hell of a long time! How lucky!
Anyway, enough of that! So, I was thinking about what shows/concerts I've been to in my lifetime - thus what prompted the ode to Marta above - and thought I'd try to see if I could remember them. So here goes, in no particular order: Duran Duran, Van Halen, X, The Cult (3x I love me some Ian Asbury), Divinyls, Modern English, Metallica, Beastie Boys, Kix (don't ask), Norah Jones, Blondie, Red Elvises (FUN FUN FUN!), Fishbone, Simple Minds, Ian Moore, Nikka Costa (flippin' love this chick!), Dwight Yokam (shake those hips), Primus, Stone Temple Pilots , Violent Femmes, Shaggy, Black Crows, Billy Idol, Cypress Hill, Santana, Sheryl Crow, Skinny Puppy (3x), Peter Frampton, Hank Williams III, New Order, Pixies, Thrill Kill Kult, P.I.L. (Johnny Lydon is such an ass -I LOVE HIM!), Romeo Void, Ministry, The Turtles, Don McLean and Sade. I'd like to add more to this list, but with a new baby, there's bound to be a few shows I'm gonna miss. Oh well. I got Marcie to sing to me. I'm set.

Though for The Day

2006-03-31T07:35:00.000-08:00

I'm tired, the floor needs vacuuming, the floor needs to be mopped, I have a filling that's falling out, I need to go to the podiatrist, I need a facial, I need a massage, I need to go the the chiropractor, I need to have three moles removed, I want an Ambush Makeover, I discovered the bottles I use suck, I need to get more of the good ones, the rabbit needs to be moved outside, laundry needs to be done, I'm chubby, so is Chris, my hair has been unusually greasy as of late, Roxy's pooping on a more regular basis, I want a new house - or at least new things in this one, I haven't been preparing for work, there's a woodpecker that loves the corner of the house outside my bedroom, Tony Danza cracks me up, the boys take the "you're an idiot" tone with me ALL THE TIME, I want a vacation, I hate Tom Cruise, I hate W, I need to get to Jazzercise, I need to stop buying Roxy clothes, we need a retirement plan, the deck needs a good cleaning, the floors would look really good refinished, I need to have a serious garage sale, I want a manicure, and a pedicure, the plants need watering, I need to plant grass seed outside, I hope my mom isn't having a stressful day, we're headed into crunch time, I keep forgetting to call Linda, the dogs chased a young raccoon up a tree today (punks), I don't know what to make for dinner, I need to take Roxy to see my grandma, my face is breaking out, I have to do laundry ( I already said that), I wish everything could get done in one miraculous day, I need help, the car needs an oil change, I need to go to the library, I need a good night's sleep, mosquito's are coming, flea's too, and fly's, get some bug spray, flea stuff and fly traps, men are exhausting, I love my dog, I need more money, buy a lottery ticket, the front yard needs new landscaping, the back yard needs a miracle, a personal assistant for a week would be great, Chris' cat is kinda stupid, my cat's are obnoxious, my body aches, I wish I could fit into all my cool clothes, I wish I had the personality to wear my cool clothes, I don't like things too put together, therefore I should love things the way they are, I do, dusting never ends, I sometimes wish I had a normal job that I could walk away from after 8 hours, my body has forgotten what it feels like to dance, that's incredibly sad, I wanna buy something, I wanna eat, I need to re-organize, I need to play more, I have gas, I'm tired, and I need to do laundry

Daddy's Girl

2006-03-29T12:59:00.000-08:00

Those of you who know him, know what I'm talking about!

Let's Put A Face With It

2006-03-26T18:45:00.000-08:00

This is my brother Ian. He's in Iraq.

Our Morning - A One Act

2006-03-24T07:36:00.000-08:00

The Setting: Roxy's room 8:23 am
The Characters: Roxy (life-like doll will do), Evan (age 9 3/4), Noah (age 8), and Mom (ageless, glowing and radiant at all times)

Evan: Do you think that Roxy will be pretty when she gets older?

Mom: Well, you're both good looking, so I think she has a pretty good chance of being pretty.

Noah: Yea, well I'm prettier than Evan.

Mom: Oh you both look exactly the same!

Noah: NO! I'm prettier than Evan!

Evan: You are not!

Noah: I am too!

Evan: Well, I'm smarter!

Noah: No you're not!

Evan: Oh yea, well what's 88 divided by 44?

Noah: I don't do division dummy. I only do multiplication! (swift kick to Evan's shin)

Mom: NOAH! You better watch that German temper of yours!

Noah: I'm not German!

Mom: Yes, you are.

Evan: Yea, Nazi.

Mom: Watch it bub, you're German too!

Evan: I am?

Curtain

But Mama, I Love Him!

2006-03-23T12:20:00.000-08:00

He says that I call him lazy every chance I get. Well actually I have said it three times - WHEN HE WAS BEING LAZY!

I warned him that I was particular- now he refuses to put the dishes in the dishwasher because I'll just go in there and change them anyway - if he would turn the damn thing on and put the clean ones away, I'd never know the difference!

He put the baby to bed the other night without changing her poopy diaper for FOUR HOURS!!! He swore he would never do it again. The next day, HE DID IT AGAIN!

He said he didn't snore - HE DOES!

He said when he was working his hands got really strong and he'd rub my back for hours - hasn't happened.

He does laundry - HIS WORK CLOTHES!

I asked him to tell me one reason why he loved me - he said because I was his "baby mama."

I can be in the middle of feeding the baby, doing dishes, vacuuming, and brushing my teeth, all at the same time - and he will run through the house after me to hand me a ringing phone.

We have a garage full of brand new tools - still in the boxes.

He is a stubborn man. But he is thoughtful. He's honest. Giving. Witty. Smart. Level-headed. Genuine. Beautiful. And he loves me. This I know. And I love him for everything he is.

Damn They're cute!

2006-03-23T07:36:00.000-08:00

Woo-Woo For Me & Good Ju-ju For You!

2006-03-20T12:58:00.000-08:00

I don't read. Not that I'm particularly proud of that fact. There are hundreds of books in my house, either purchased or borrowed with great intent. But the fact remains that I don't have a great deal of time to sit down and read, and when I do, the act of reading puts me to sleep. HOWEVER! I did finish reading a book last night! A play, actually. One from the list of books I swore I was going to read. I finished "The Good Body," by Eve Ensler (author of "The Vagina Monologues"). All 102 pages of it, including the preface, title page, and special acknowledgments. Not "War and Peace," but I did it, so woo-woo for me!
And on a totally unrelated note, I have to admit that I was pissed off at Grey's Anatomy last night! Why? They stole my "ju-ju!" Not that I am the sole owner of that term or that I even have any special right to claim it as mine, but I have been the identifier and gracious recipient of good ju-ju for a really long time now. And now there is a slight threat that something I hold so dear is going to become common. God, I hope not! And anyway a cup of coco is not good ju-ju! Especially when it is given with the intent of bringing the giver good ju-ju! Ju-ju is fortune, energy, luck! Icky people have bad ju-ju for you. Being in the right place at the right time is good ju-ju. You can't hand somebody good ju-ju! I don't believe that ju-ju applies in a form similar or comparable to karma. Ju-ju just is!
It comes your way or it doesn't! What's important is that you appreciate the good ju-ju, genuinely. And that you turn and walk away from the bad ju-ju, genuinely. So on that note, may good ju-ju be yours.

How It All Turned Out

2006-03-20T09:16:00.000-08:00

Well, this is it, the last day of the boy's Spring Break! And as irony would have it, the first official day of Spring (starts at noon). And as irony would further have it, we're due for 3-6 inches of snow later on today. Go figure! Anyway, we made it through this week without any major meltdowns, just one moody moment brought on by an impending headache (Evan). Other than that, all went really well. I actually had a good time with the boys. We got the house cleaned for when Chris's sisters and dad came up for dinner - always nice! Having people over of course, but a clean house ROCKS! I worked with Evan on his long division, and he gets it! Halle-freakin-lujah! He even thinks it's easy! And we didn't have any horrible episodes doing it! I can be a nurturing mama, I can! We went ice skating, visited Science City, they played outside a lot, Noah went with me to the studio and helped me clean there, they played video games, went and saw their grandpa's show, colored, roller skated, and helped me out immensely with Roxy. Pretty uneventful really, but it was pleasant. And the fact that Evan is returning to school confident with what he has to do makes me happy beyond belief. We have struggled the past two years with him and his confidence. There are things that he doesn't understand easily and in turn starts to think himself stupid. I guess it's hard not to feel like that when you think everybody else in the room understands what you don't. So my hope is that he waltzs right into school tomorrow (assuming we don't have a snow day) and kicks some long division ass!

Magic Full Circle Moment

2006-03-18T11:22:00.000-08:00

So, mom's little whisper (Julie/LoveBoat) in the ear got to me and I decided to take the kids ice skating at the outdoor rink I frequented as a child. (compliments of the free passes I received from one of the students I teach at the University) It wasn't crowded at all - and the place literally hasn't changed one bit in 20+ years. It was a nice day, not too cold at all, a little windy but hey. Anyway, there I was holding Roxy under my jacket, and watching Evan & Noah ice skate for the first time in their lives (don't know how that happened). The sun was out a little and Fastball's "Outta My Head" was playing over the speakers. It was a beautiful little moment. One of those that make you feel as though you're the star of you own movie. Watching the boys glide over my old haunt, holding the baby I thought would never be, and listening to a pretty great song. Just one of those magic full circle moments designed to remind you that life is beautiful. Play it again.

Wouldn't You If You Still Could?

2006-03-16T20:27:00.000-08:00

Spring Break For Mama

2006-03-16T08:29:00.000-08:00

So the boys are on Spring Break this week, and we haven't done a damn thing. It's my thinking that not having to go to school is break enough, but my mom has a great ability for making me feel I'm not doing enough for them. Marcie and I have decided that she is my event coordinator (Julie from Love Boat) - not really that she gets involved in my stuff - she doesn't. It's just that I have guilt when she says things like "I just thought if you___________, then the boys would feel like they had a vacation." My response? "They're not in school for 9 days!" I'M gonna be the one in need of a vacation! They're in 2nd & 4th grade. They still get reccess every day for crying out loud! My idea of a good day is when I get the laundry done, the dishes put away, no calls from the principle, no animal by-products left on the floor, no bills in the mail, am nice to my students at work, and get a nap. Mama needs a vacation! Which got me to thinking that the last time I went on a bonifide vacation - sans children - was in April 2004 when I went out to L.A. to see friends. The time before that was 1999 when I went with my ex to New York. And believe me when I say that weren't no vacation. Other than that was when the boys were 3 & 4 1/2, and we all know that is defined as a "family vacation," and there is no time for anything that doesn't revolve around tantrums, naps, and ice cream. So where do I want to go? Someplace warm, with warm water, and sun, and not too many hot people beause I'll just feel like a blob in a swimsuit. A little bit of time where I don't have to get up and do something for someone by a certain time. A periodic jaunt back to the days of selfish indulgence. Marcie mentioned the other day what it's like for people who don't have kids. That they are free. Oh, just a moment of that! It goes without saying that my kids matter more to me than anything, but just a day would be nice. But then I have to wonder - could I really enjoy myself? Would I worry that I'm being selfish? Of course I would. I'm a selfish person! But I'd somehow manage to plug through. (get the irony?) This is all just wishful thinking, however. Roxy is only three months old, and my chances for a vacation are next to nill for the next year, at least. BUT! Sometime in August, Marcie and I are planning a day long outting to a neighboring college town to go fabric shopping and what ever else strikes our fancy. Two daddy's - alone with seven kids! Even if we are wrestling with guilt, I bet we stick it out - if for nothing else than the humor factor. Oh it's just so wrong, but it's not going to stop us!

Brace Yourself And Hang on Tight

2006-03-13T22:32:00.000-08:00

Oh my god, it started! If you remember a little while ago, I realized that I had finally achieved official parent status - embarrassing Evan by singing in the car. Well, yesterday my friends I heard those infamous words - "I should be able to do whatever I want to do with them (jeans), because THEY'RE MINE!" Best wishes and regards are appreciated, and donations for the "'Payback is a Bitch' Escape Plan" should be sent to Van and Susie c/0 "The Grandparent's Final laugh / 'Ha Ha' Club." Please be generous.

Bathroom Humor

2006-03-13T21:43:00.000-08:00

Being the mom of two boys, there are certain things that just happen. Like developing an extra strong affinity for bathroom humor. I've realized that the act of farting can be a great bonding experience. And I've secured a great relationship with my boys. We don't cower to proper terms - "flatulence," "breaking wind," "passing gas," and all the apologetic phrases that go with that lingo don't apply here. We call a "fart" a "fart," and affectionately refer to the verb as a "poot," or "the thunder from down under." We repeat the various sounds and laugh. There are the "pppffffft," "pwoof," "burrrrrrrrnt," "pwup," "boom boom boom boom, boom," (a Roxy fart), and countless others that are really hard to try to convey with mere words. And when one of us breaks out in poot, our family response is "good one!" Probably to the horror of my mother. But it is funny.
Sometimes I act like I'm going to tell the boys something of great importance - "Boys, you know what?" "What?" prffffffft! "Awe mom! Geez!" Laughter. Last night, however, Evan responded by saying "That's the mom I know and love!" While I adore his sweet sentiment, it does make me wonder if they only love me for my vulgarity. Do the toys, and food, and groovy bedrooms really matter to them? Do they brag to their friends that I'm cool because I laugh at them farting? Who knows. All I do know is that the looks are their faces when they are laughing is priceless. And from what Chris tells me about "adult" men, I didn't pick my battle well!

Thought(s) For The Day

2006-03-11T21:04:00.000-08:00

"The connections between and among women are the most feared, the most problematic, and the most potentially transforming force on the planet"
- Adrienne Rich

"Motherhood and homemaking are honorable choices for any woman, provided it is the woman herself who makes those decisions" - Molly Yard

"The only real elegance is in the mind" - Diana Vreeland

"Trying to be a perfect feminist...is not really a big improvement on trying to be a perfect wife, mother, and lady" - Jane O'Reilly

All Together Now!

2006-03-09T15:22:00.000-08:00

(to the tune "Camptown Races")
Guess who's 3 months old today?
ROXY!
ROXY!
Guess who's 3 month's old today?
Little Roxy Kay
She doesn't sleep all night
She likes to eat all day
We love this little baby, yes we do
Precious Roxy Kay

Pretty Boys

2006-03-09T08:17:00.000-08:00

Morning Glory!

2006-03-09T08:03:00.000-08:00

Here are the boys with all their kinetic energy! Getting ready for school is FUN! Actually, they do a great job of being responsible for themselves in the morning. They're growing up! Gorgeous!

Thought For The Day

2006-03-04T07:01:00.000-08:00

"Feminism is an entire world view or gestalt, not just a laundry list of women's issues" - Charlotte Bunch

Roxy's Heart

2006-03-02T14:32:00.000-08:00

On February 10th, Roxy was diagnosed with a heart murmur. Needless to say, it threw us for a loop. This past Monday, we took her to a pediatric cardiologist and found out everything is fine - a clean bill of health! She is a thriving, happy, and charming baby. And we love her!

You may Now Call Me MOM!

2006-02-23T10:04:00.000-08:00

It's official! Silly me for thinking that I've been a parent these past 9 1/2 years! I finally realized this morning - when Evan told me I embarrassed him by singing in the car- that TODAY I officially joined the ranks. You may now call me "MOM!"

Fight The Good Fight!

2006-02-22T10:06:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about how the feminist movement has fallen backwards. This new generation of women thinks that choosing to behave in the manner which they do is okay because they're choosing it. WRONG! Everything from plastic surgery to Girls Gone Wild is throwing our mentality and our spirits away. But what I find myself concerned with is not that these people are doing these things - after all, this has been going on since the beginning of human existence- but rather that SO much attention is being placed on the antics of stupid young girls that we all might be failing to pay proper attention to the minds and spirits of our little men! So much attention and focus had been placed on securing girls an equal opportunity, that we have dropped the ball on our boys! My ten year old refers to girls as "HOT!" What the hell is this? Ten years ago, a little boy would have thought a girl "Pretty." My point - let's keep reminding our little people that falling into a mass mindset is boring and depleting. Fight the good fight. Let's try to raise people who value themselves and respect themselves as well as others. And let's not let the ignorant masses invade our lives. And as far as the "HOT" thing - rest assured I let my thoughts be known.

Thought for the Day

2006-02-22T10:04:00.000-08:00

Sexism is oppressive to EVERYONE!

What Kind of Feminist Are You?

2006-02-22T09:52:00.000-08:00

There are many different schools of Feminism. Just as all people aren't alike, not all forms of feminism are alike. Familiarize yourself with these various schools of thought and you might find out that Feminism is NOT a dirty word!

-Liberal Feminism-

-Marxist Feminism-

-Radical Feminism-

-Psychoanalytic Feminism-

-Socialist Feminism-

-Existentialist Feminism-

-PostModern Feminism-

"Feminist Thought" by Rosemarie Tong is where you can educate yourself on these forms and theories. Happy reading!

My Two Favorite Girls

2006-02-21T10:26:00.000-08:00

I love this picture because you can see the sheer happiness in my mom's eyes!

Happy Birthday Bert!

2006-02-17T18:21:00.000-08:00

To the only person I know who likes the word "punk" as much as I do. Actually, I think I got it from you. Anyway, happy birthday! We miss you and hope to see you all soon!

BRAVO PINK!

2006-02-16T07:02:00.000-08:00

This morning, when I couldn't go back to bed, I caught the new video by PINK, called "Stupid Girls." The song and video are about the stupidity of today's young "celebrities." Has anyone figured out why Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohen, etc., are celebrities? Is it because they're pretty, act like gitty little things, and flaunt their budding bodies like they're hawk'n 'em at a market? Cuz God knows they ain't got much talent!
Regardless, PINK had the nads to publicly mock them, and sent a great big "HUH?" to all the idiots and innocents who buy into this stupidity! Kudos to her! Let's hope this message reaches the innocent, vunerable ones with the same force the stupid girls do.

Organic Baby

2006-02-15T09:40:00.000-08:00

My friend Deb sent Roxy this t-shirt from Seattle. We love it Deb! Thank you! As you can see, it fits perfectly. One of the coolest things she has to wear.

Edwina Grimley - Imussay

2006-02-15T08:51:00.000-08:00

SuperBowl at MY house - who'da thunk?

2006-02-08T12:25:00.000-08:00

Most of you know my view on sports - especially football! However, my husband and my dad really like it, soooooo the game was on at my house! Complete with nachos for all!

Books I'm Gonna Read!

2006-02-05T16:39:00.000-08:00

*What Women Really Want
*Female Chauvinist Pigs
*Raising Children Who Think For Themselves
*Sizzling Monogomy
*The Good Body

Change Is aComin'

2006-02-03T21:11:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling this urge to cleanse; renew & get functioning! I am so ready to do something new. I have all these ideas! I have (what I believe to be) a fabulous idea for a book. I have various projects that I want to get started - everything from these stuffed animals that I want to make, to baby items, to things I want to do for and around the house. I'm ready to get going! I feel like I need to purge! I have spent the last ten years collecting things - beautiful things - things that have brought me happiness when I looked at them. Things that made me feel comfortable when I looked at them. Things that I prided myself for having because they were unique. I loved those things. Now I don't love them so much. I appreciate them still, but it might be time for them to find a new home. I'm ready for a clean, open, modern, functional home. One where I can find things. One where I don't have to dust around a million little objects. One that makes me feel happy because of it's simplicity. I gotta get rid of the clutter to make room for the new ideas to come to fruition. That's my goal for this year. Open the energy for new things to flow. One room at a time. I got the ideas. I gotta make myself make them happen.

"Oh No!," she says

2006-02-03T21:07:00.000-08:00

Evan & Roxy - my first baby carrying my new baby! Isn't life good!

A Treasured Moment

2006-02-03T20:47:00.000-08:00

I took these pictures a couple of years ago. I had just doused them with the hose. They were drying off and having a little chat. I love my little men.

No News Is Good!

2006-01-31T18:03:00.000-08:00

Alright, I've been thinking for some time now that I really need to stop watching the news. I have to admit that I'm a little addicted to it. And yeah, I watch because I want to know what the weather is so as not to send the kids to school in a parka on a 70* day. Truth be told, I'm fascinated by the world. But every night it's the same thing - the same demographic, committing the same crime, in the same neighborhood. The same chosen few, performing great feats of generosity, and patting themselves on the back. Occasionally, however, there's a story that literally guts me. A story that makes my spirit cry, my body hurt, and my mind short circuit. Last night I saw one of those stories, complete with video. Live footage of a man pulling a plastic back out of a river in Brazil, opening it up and finding a newborn girl - dressed in a pretty little pink outfit with a bow in her hair. Footage of people frantically ripping her wet clothes off her and wrapping her in a dry towel. Footage of her mother being led away in handcuffs as she told the story of "giving" her child to a homeless couple because she couldn't take care of her anymore. I was stunned. I was in disbelief. I hurt. And then I thought to myself - did I really need to see that? Did I really need to know that happened? Am I a better person because I have that information now? And the answer is NO! I am grateful; relieved; happy that child was saved. But then I wonder how many weren't, aren't and will never be. That pain is too much for me. So, I've decided that from this day forward, I'm not watching the news any more. I'll get the weather information I need from other sources. I'll listen to news stations on the radio (potentially icky too, I know). I'll read the newspaper and filter out the sensational stories that gut me. Does this mean I'm going to stop caring; trying to make this world better? HELL NO! I will "Think globally - Act locally!" I will continue to "save" stray animals. I will involve myself in affairs that instinct tells me to. I will help somebody who looks like they need assistance. I will teach my children to act with empathy and compassion. I will always screw up on the side of caution rather than safety. I'd much rather piss somebody off and be wrong than walk away from something I can change. So, my point? I don't know. Just that this world is really such a beautiful place; I'm tired of feeling like it's ugly. I'm a lucky girl all the way around. I like my world. I love the fact that I'm loved. And I love the fact that I have people I love. I'm going to operate from that station for awhile.

"Because We Can"

2006-01-31T17:59:00.000-08:00

This was the photo on Roxy's birth announcements - otherwise known as the "because we can" photo. She's a glamour queen in the making, no?