Silly Me!
Okay, I'm a little pissed. Which doesn't take much on a good day. I went over to Mom-101, and left a comment on her post on Feminism. An innocent little comment. And from what I hear, someone from across the pond thought me full of shit. Apparently they weren't really mean about it, but they popped over to my blog and seemed to be irritated that I was "beautiful" (thanks, I think), and that I wrote about how women have hair. And how feminism was so much more than my comment on hair eluded. I never got to see the comment because the person deleted it before I got a chance. But they did leave another one explaining how they just felt that Feminism, to them, means equality, plain and simple. Okay?
How dumb I must be. Silly me. Silly me for thinking I was a feminist because I want to instill in my sons the fact that women have hair growing in all the same places men do. How silly of me that I want them to understand women aren't slick and slithering at all times. How silly of me to be open with them that I have hair on my lip, my chin, my toes, my crotch, my pits, my legs, under my belly button, the random one that sprouts outta my cheek on occasion, and yes, Virginia, that I have nose hair! How silly of me to stink after a day of living, and not try mask it with flowery perfumes and deodorants. How silly of me to air out my foul feet in the middle of the living room. How silly of me to fart and burp in their presence. How silly of me to not wear make-up except on occasions like my sister-in-laws (Chris' sister) funeral (yes, where the picture of Marcie & me was taken). How silly of me that I want my sons to understand women are just the same as men in these respects so when they are older, they will look for a substantial woman - one who doesn't subscribe to female objectification. (Because THEY don't subscribe to female objectification!) Silly me that I want them to look for a partner who values thought, and goodness, and equality. Not one who is so insecure in her own skin that she can't face the real important issues of life. Silly me that I want my sons to be advocates for women's equality (anyone's equality for that matter), so they will be the one's to stand for what's right and noble and help in a bad situation. How silly of me to want my sons to look past physical appearance and appreciate someone for who they are. How silly of me.
And never mind the fact that I am the sole legal owner of this house. Never mind I make more per hour than my husband. Never mind I own my own car. And his. Never mind I have my own personal checking account with my own money. And my own business with my own money. Never mind that. No, I'm not a feminist. I'm not living a life women before me dreamed and fought for. I'm not in a loving relationship with a good man, who's name I did not take. Nope, that's not me.
It's just that I'm not taking on the world anymore. I'm not losing sleep over the things I can't change. I'm not going to let things like The Promise Keepers impact my life. I'm going to raise children who can think for themselves and understand how organizations like this are dangerous. That's how I'm a feminist. I'm not going to go looking for a fight, but I will jump in when a good cause needs me. I understand the world isn't fair. I know there are horrors and unjust acts committed against women. I've been there, thank you very much. You're preaching to the choir on this one. I hate the fact that women walk in a world different from the one men walk in. I hate it! I hate the fact that the porn industry is an industry! I hate the fact that everything you see objectifies women - that we're All victims beause of it. And that we're all so immune to it! I hate anything that is unfair and hurtful to anybody! Period! We're the far side of left in this house. Have been for many years, and will continue to be regardless.
So my fight for Feminism is a quiet one - an internal one. My fight for equality is not subscribing to sexist notions and raising children who do (or don't do) the same. My fight is by teaching my children (and students) as we go and as things arise. My fight is by trying to be a living example.
Sorry if this seems shallow to some.
How dumb I must be. Silly me. Silly me for thinking I was a feminist because I want to instill in my sons the fact that women have hair growing in all the same places men do. How silly of me that I want them to understand women aren't slick and slithering at all times. How silly of me to be open with them that I have hair on my lip, my chin, my toes, my crotch, my pits, my legs, under my belly button, the random one that sprouts outta my cheek on occasion, and yes, Virginia, that I have nose hair! How silly of me to stink after a day of living, and not try mask it with flowery perfumes and deodorants. How silly of me to air out my foul feet in the middle of the living room. How silly of me to fart and burp in their presence. How silly of me to not wear make-up except on occasions like my sister-in-laws (Chris' sister) funeral (yes, where the picture of Marcie & me was taken). How silly of me that I want my sons to understand women are just the same as men in these respects so when they are older, they will look for a substantial woman - one who doesn't subscribe to female objectification. (Because THEY don't subscribe to female objectification!) Silly me that I want them to look for a partner who values thought, and goodness, and equality. Not one who is so insecure in her own skin that she can't face the real important issues of life. Silly me that I want my sons to be advocates for women's equality (anyone's equality for that matter), so they will be the one's to stand for what's right and noble and help in a bad situation. How silly of me to want my sons to look past physical appearance and appreciate someone for who they are. How silly of me.
And never mind the fact that I am the sole legal owner of this house. Never mind I make more per hour than my husband. Never mind I own my own car. And his. Never mind I have my own personal checking account with my own money. And my own business with my own money. Never mind that. No, I'm not a feminist. I'm not living a life women before me dreamed and fought for. I'm not in a loving relationship with a good man, who's name I did not take. Nope, that's not me.
It's just that I'm not taking on the world anymore. I'm not losing sleep over the things I can't change. I'm not going to let things like The Promise Keepers impact my life. I'm going to raise children who can think for themselves and understand how organizations like this are dangerous. That's how I'm a feminist. I'm not going to go looking for a fight, but I will jump in when a good cause needs me. I understand the world isn't fair. I know there are horrors and unjust acts committed against women. I've been there, thank you very much. You're preaching to the choir on this one. I hate the fact that women walk in a world different from the one men walk in. I hate it! I hate the fact that the porn industry is an industry! I hate the fact that everything you see objectifies women - that we're All victims beause of it. And that we're all so immune to it! I hate anything that is unfair and hurtful to anybody! Period! We're the far side of left in this house. Have been for many years, and will continue to be regardless.
So my fight for Feminism is a quiet one - an internal one. My fight for equality is not subscribing to sexist notions and raising children who do (or don't do) the same. My fight is by teaching my children (and students) as we go and as things arise. My fight is by trying to be a living example.
Sorry if this seems shallow to some.
posted by noncommon at 8:48 AM
12 Comments:
Were they irritated that you are beautiful, or that you profess to be messy yet seem so put together in that recent photo?
I'd continue in this sarcastic vein, but you don't know me, so might not know that I'm kidding. I love messy. I less fond of hairy toes, but that's just because I have 'em too.
It is great that you are raising boys to understand what girls and women are really like. I thank my in-laws all the time for raising their son to just assume that men and women are equal. Keep it up!
God, what the hell did I miss?
Well, whatever it was, I think you rock and this post says it all. We are a lot alike.
Forget that person. You know what the deal is and that's what counts.
nonlineargirl - the MessyBeautiful thing is not about me. it's about life. it's always a great big beautiful mess. thanks for the kind words. and sarcasm is welcome in these neck of the woods anytime!
my izzy - yup girl, you do seem like a soul sister. i think you rock too. does this mean that we think we're cool if we like eachother and think the other one like ourselves? ah, who cares.
Wow, that was a powerful post, Cameo. I hope that this person from across the pond comes back to read this, feels your passion and, in so doing, realizes that you already know EXACTLY what feminism's all about.
She (or he) was right about one thing... you ARE beautiful. :)
Ummm..yeah. I think so.
catherine - thank you so much. you're very sweet to say that.
Sorry you got attacked for voicing your viewpoints. I didn't see the original post, but your ideas here seem right on. Who cares what you look like? Only "un-beautiful" people get to have feminist ideas?
Oh, don't let it get to you.
Er, wait, let me rephrase that. If it leads to posts like this, TOTALLY let it get to you.
Naw, doesn't mean shallow to me.
I too find the notion that women MUST have their hair regularly ripped out of their crotch to be sexy incredibly repulsive. It's like there are people sitting around thinking "How many ways can we find to make women suffer?" Next thing you know they will say you need to have your nostrils sewn shut to be sexy...I shouldn't even bring it up because you KNOW it could happen.
I think the internet is wonderful, because it lets you find people with similar interests, literally all over the planet. And that's a great thing.
But then the anonymity (can barely say it, don't know how to spell it) frees up this nasty "I'm hidden so I can attack and judge" garbage. And sometimes calling people out is necessary. But, please.
Thanks to this person for letting everyone know that every post and every comment must encompass the entire world of feminism. How full-of-it to think that anyone could actually do that.
Yes, the big issues (assault) are more important than the smaller issues (like hair). But we'd better be discussing the small issues because they feed into the bigger issues. All of it matters. And who appointed her to police your comment?
Sorry, I'm ranting in your comment space. Will stop now.
I have great respect for those silly things. Your children are very lucky to have you share those beliefs. Very lucky indeed. The world would be a better place if we could all do the same.
Eh, don't let the Realness debates get you down. I've been running into a fair amount of that myself, altho' for different reasons. The whole "feminist police" thing is getting a bit old. anyway, I like your blog. (found you through spc freeman). Keep on keepin' on.
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