Bring It On Baby!! Bring It On!!

Thirty-six!
Today, I'm thirty-six!
On the downhill slide to forty.
Whatever!

All I wanna know is when am I gonna feel like a grown-up?
When am I gonna feel like a big person?

I'm four years away from forty.
I have three children.
I'm on my second marriage (that sounds negative - it's not! just that I've been married to someone else before -WEIRD!)
I own my house.
I own my car.
I have insurance - health, home, auto, and life.
I have more shit than I need.
I'm fatter than I thought I would ever be.
And I'm my own boss.

All these "big people" things I'm doing, and I still feel young.
Still doubtful I have the ability to make the right choices.
Sometimes a little jealous of the freedoms I no longer have.
Still wanting to look hip and hot.
Seeing an "adult" in the mirror, but having a hard time believing it's me.

Regardless of the juxtaposition of feelings and reality - there's not one thing I would change.
Not one decision, mistake, or choice I regret.

I guess I'm glad I don't feel like a big person.
How boring would that be?

Yea, I'm doing the adult thing.
I realized a long time ago, that convention exists for a reason.
But just because I'm doing those conventional things doesn't mean I've grown old.

There's a balance to life.
I'm still an old punk at heart - defiant, critical, angry at the stupidity of the world.
But now I can see all the good things too - like babies, and true love, and good friends, and family.

And so I guess I'm in a good place - this downhill slide to forty.
I know what battles to wage now.
I know what matters most.

So I don't feel like an adult yet?
Who the hell cares?
I'm playing the game and winning so far.
And when I'm on the downhill slide to 90, I hope I feel the exact same way.