My "Whatthefuckever" Anniversary
Well, it's been a year. A whole entire year. Twelve months. 365 days. 525,600 minutes. A whole flippin' year since I got one shiny dime from my ex for child support. What a glorious day, indeed.
So what's a girl to do? I have pondered and pondered and sought advice from Chris and Marcie on several occassions. And here I sit, still spinning my wheels.
I think it's time to do something. And for some reason I'm still hesitant. Is it because I have some guilt for us not being together? No, not really. I think I was fair when we split up. He got his 401K, I got the house - we had the same amount of equity in each. He got his car, I got mine. I offered him any and all furniture he wanted/needed. He took some bedroom furniture but refused anything else. He discoverd MasterCard and Visa, and didn't understand the rules of the game. But hey, that's okay! He was away from oppressive ol' me. Um, okay.
So, all was going well (this is relative you understand) and then he meets this little girl. She made him euphoric. She fed him beautiful ignorant images of what life could be. And soon visions of "Bubba Rockstar" and notority began dancing in his head. ("So good to finally be with someone who supports me instead of someone who is constantly holding me back" ie: making me be a mature, responsible MAN!)
Anyway, in his euphoric state, he went to buy a house. And in his euphoric state he took her great advice to quit his job - THE DAY BEFORE HE WAS CLOSING ON THE HOUSE!!! Can you say "downpayment poof!?"
And who, I ask you, bears the burden of the stupid choices? No wait! Don't answer that! It gets better!
He marries the little idiot! And then six months later divorces her. Without a lawyer. He gets stuck with half of the debt she came into the marriage with. This is when we all thank Cameo for getting him neutered.
Anyway, he moves back to Texas with his mother. Gets a job in the same restaurant he was working at when we moved up here. And then breaks his arm unloading god damned music equipment off a truck.
No able to work means no able to have money which means no able to take care of my children - but hey, I'm a rockstar man!
So, the day has come when Cameo returns to making this "man" a man. I am going to have to make him accountable. He's a charming person -that's why he gets away with what he does. He's not a bad person either - just stupid as the day is long. The shining example of "victim mentality" introverted. Instead of being pissed at others, he wages his fights internally - making choices with blatent disregard for rationale. Never looking at the "big picture." Never.
He calls the boys. I have to give him some credit for that. But when he does, all he talks about is his band. He never asks them about school. He never imparts any type of valuable information designed to make them think of him in a father-like manner. He never asks them about what's going on in their worlds. It's just about him and his "music." And not once has he said anything about making any type of payment. Not once! EVEN THOUGH I HAVE ASKED HIM ABOUT IT!!!
I'm tired of it. And I don't know if I go after him - "you can't bleed a turnip" or if I head down another path and approach the issue from the perspective of weeding him further out of the boys lives. I struggle with that honestly. I know it's happening already, and I have no problem with it. He doesn't have a lot to offer them.
So, with no end in sight to this dilema, I sit here and wonder how I'm going to handle it.
The boys deserve better. Hell, I deserve better! He has literally walked away from any responsibility of raising these boys. For that matter, Chris deserves better for stepping up to the plate and fathering these little men!
LET'S ALL HEAR IT FOR CHRIS!!!!!!
Yes, my friends, I made the right choice. Not only for me, but my boys.
I got nothing else.
Have a good day!!!!!
So what's a girl to do? I have pondered and pondered and sought advice from Chris and Marcie on several occassions. And here I sit, still spinning my wheels.
I think it's time to do something. And for some reason I'm still hesitant. Is it because I have some guilt for us not being together? No, not really. I think I was fair when we split up. He got his 401K, I got the house - we had the same amount of equity in each. He got his car, I got mine. I offered him any and all furniture he wanted/needed. He took some bedroom furniture but refused anything else. He discoverd MasterCard and Visa, and didn't understand the rules of the game. But hey, that's okay! He was away from oppressive ol' me. Um, okay.
So, all was going well (this is relative you understand) and then he meets this little girl. She made him euphoric. She fed him beautiful ignorant images of what life could be. And soon visions of "Bubba Rockstar" and notority began dancing in his head. ("So good to finally be with someone who supports me instead of someone who is constantly holding me back" ie: making me be a mature, responsible MAN!)
Anyway, in his euphoric state, he went to buy a house. And in his euphoric state he took her great advice to quit his job - THE DAY BEFORE HE WAS CLOSING ON THE HOUSE!!! Can you say "downpayment poof!?"
And who, I ask you, bears the burden of the stupid choices? No wait! Don't answer that! It gets better!
He marries the little idiot! And then six months later divorces her. Without a lawyer. He gets stuck with half of the debt she came into the marriage with. This is when we all thank Cameo for getting him neutered.
Anyway, he moves back to Texas with his mother. Gets a job in the same restaurant he was working at when we moved up here. And then breaks his arm unloading god damned music equipment off a truck.
No able to work means no able to have money which means no able to take care of my children - but hey, I'm a rockstar man!
So, the day has come when Cameo returns to making this "man" a man. I am going to have to make him accountable. He's a charming person -that's why he gets away with what he does. He's not a bad person either - just stupid as the day is long. The shining example of "victim mentality" introverted. Instead of being pissed at others, he wages his fights internally - making choices with blatent disregard for rationale. Never looking at the "big picture." Never.
He calls the boys. I have to give him some credit for that. But when he does, all he talks about is his band. He never asks them about school. He never imparts any type of valuable information designed to make them think of him in a father-like manner. He never asks them about what's going on in their worlds. It's just about him and his "music." And not once has he said anything about making any type of payment. Not once! EVEN THOUGH I HAVE ASKED HIM ABOUT IT!!!
I'm tired of it. And I don't know if I go after him - "you can't bleed a turnip" or if I head down another path and approach the issue from the perspective of weeding him further out of the boys lives. I struggle with that honestly. I know it's happening already, and I have no problem with it. He doesn't have a lot to offer them.
So, with no end in sight to this dilema, I sit here and wonder how I'm going to handle it.
The boys deserve better. Hell, I deserve better! He has literally walked away from any responsibility of raising these boys. For that matter, Chris deserves better for stepping up to the plate and fathering these little men!
LET'S ALL HEAR IT FOR CHRIS!!!!!!
Yes, my friends, I made the right choice. Not only for me, but my boys.
I got nothing else.
Have a good day!!!!!
posted by noncommon at 12:51 PM
10 Comments:
TaterTot's advice: Should you go after him legally to meet his financial responsibilities? Yes. 100%, absolutely yes. Should you try to "weed" him out of the boys' lives? No. You have smart boys who will be able to figure it out for themselves, they know who is on their side and who isn't and you don't ever want to give them any reason to think "my mom didn't support my efforts to maintain a relationship with my dad". Now if there was a safety concern, that would be another cup of tea...but just because he's stupid doesn't mean he's dangerous.
Sounds to me like Chris is the real rock star in this situation. Good step-parents, I mean REAL GOOD ones, don't ever get enough credit. Yeah for you and yeah for your kids.
safety was an issue when he was living here. but now that he's gone...
i know the boys are smart and already have a clear view of who they can count on.
what i was refering to was having chris adopt them and not having to deal with bubba (yup, that's his name). not stripping the boys of their dad. they would/could still see him whenever, i just wouldn't have to seal with him in a legal sense.
It's got to be tough. My parents divorced when I was five, my brother, sister and I were split up between them and were raised in different cities, my Dad married two more times and had four more children, my mom married the guy she was "with" while she was married to my Dad and had one more kid...my Dad was an "every other weekend" kind of guy for a few years but then we both lost interest, he paid $50 a month for child support to my mom for my sister AND I (not much, huh)...to this day I see him on average once a year and my kids would have trouble picking him out of a crowd.
It's hard.
Sorry, I get a little passionate about the subject of step parents and divorces and child support...
I know a lot of people in similar situations who have opted not to go after the ex for support (and back-support) just so they can really phase the guy out of their kids' lives. It sounds like this is what he's doing anyway, maybe you should just let things ride and let the boys continue to see that Bio Dad is slacking rockstar dad and Chris truly rocks?
Regardless, you and your boys are doing great with Chris, right? And that's all that matters :-)
But man, if I were you, I'd be pissed about Bio Dad. Asshat.
I have no advice.
But I would like to say I enjoyed this piece of writting. Brava for putting it out here.
Gee, my ex wasn't stupid. When his department was closeo see himd, he simply lived off other women for several years. Since he had no discernable income, he paid no child support. My hubby and I made sure the kids got to see him, for their sake not his. Once he bragged to my father that he was making more under the table than he ever did at the bank!! Arghhh! When he remarried and got another job, she made sure the $$ went into an account for the kids. He attempted to stop child support when the eldest went to college! I threw a fit, pointed out the several thousand he was in arrears AND said I thought he owed it to the kids to help them get a college education (the divorce decree did not specify an age to stop). Believe it or not, it was all eventualy paid back and went to the kids college education. And these days, he, his wife and I get along very well. It's just crazy what divorce and $$ does to people.
These things are never fun. I think you should get the $$, regardless of whether you and Chris can support the boys. It might cost you a fortune, however, since he has (1) the kind of job that is not steady, and (2) because he sounds like a simple jerk, the kind who will change jobs to avoid paying. Your kids will figure out what tyhey haven't already. BTW, do they want Chris to adopt them? Just wondered.
Oh, girl, I don't envy you. This is such a hard road to travel. But know that there are a number of us who support you, whatever you do for yourself and your boys. They are such sweeties! Tell them "Hi," from me, and give darlin' baby a kiss on the forehead.
hey y'all, i have to go on the record and say that bubba isn't a mean spirited person. he just doesn't have any common sense. not a stitch of it.
i don't think he would ever be as devious as to play the job game with me - it's just not his character.
he loves his kids - really loves his kids. he just hasn't figured out that they come first. he's too self-centered to see the big picture.
when we separated, he was great about making the payments, he just didn't have the sense to keep his wits when that little girl told him he could bea rockstar.
he's 39 folks. those days are over. he's a father to three.
and ironically, just this very minute i got a call from a collection agency.
there's no hope.
Your ex and my ex could have been stupid brothers.
Though I do get very little child support, he never grew up. He now lives down south with his girlfriend who he can't stand, who owns their only car, who he has to rely on to make it. God hates cheaters. ;)
My daughters ARE figuring out what and who he is. People told me they would and I shrugged it off. But it is true.
Forget him. Do what you can for your kids. He will be the one losing in the end.
Yay for Chris! Fatherhood is more than biology. It's time and concern and committment and BEING THERE!! You did the right thing. Tatertot's right. The boys will figure out what's what in due time.
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